The Dance. . .

Well, I finally finished the book, In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day. It has really caused me to reflect on my life. My successes, my failures, but most of all, my regrets. Mark Batterson states that most of the regrets people have are those of omission rather than of comission. In other words, most people regret having NOT done something rather than having done something they wish they hadn't. I think it's the "what if" factor in life. I think regrets of omission haunt us because we tend to wonder "what if". What if I had chased that lion, what if I hadn't stood on the sidelines, what if I hadn't been such a chicken, or so shy, or so prideful? What if. . .

As I looked back over the past 36 years of my life, I realized I really only have 1 regret of omission and it does still haunt me to this day. Maybe "haunt" is not the right word. Maybe it's God still whispering in my ear to go for it. Either way, the thoughts are still there.

As a kid I was extremely involved in gymnastics. I was competetive for 10 years. As most people know, dance is a huge portion of gymnastics and I enjoyed doing it. At the age of 15 I gave up the sport because of a back injury that forced me out of the whole deal. To this day I miss the discipline and freedom of expression that was involved in the sport.

Through the years since I quit, there have been dance teams at church that offer the opportunity for that expressiveness in dance to come out in the form of worship. As much as I wanted to pursue it, I was afraid looking silly. Dance in the church was a fairly new concept when the team was put together at the church I went to as a teenager. I guess I should say new to that church. David danced before the Lord before there even was a church! Anyway, my shyness and fear of criticism kept me from pursuing something that was still in my heart.

After marrying and moving to College Station, the church we went to didn't have a dance team, but occassionally there were certain conferences that would have an expressive dance portion as part of the itinerary. It was pretty much the same two ladies that always did it and I never asked about it because I was afraid of them thinking I was intruding on their territory. Both of those ladies have long since moved away and here I still sit. A few weeks ago, there was a dance/worship performace during a Sunday service. The team that danced was mostly kids ranging from 15 - 19. The leader/choreographer is 26 and she danced with them, but that still would make me the old geezer of the group.

It's so easy to make excuses - even rational ones. I'm too old, my back is bad, my knee is bad, I won't fit in with the teen scene, etc. I spoke with my husband about this today and he just smiled at me and asked me who I would be dancing for. I told him it would be for God. He continued to smile and let me know that all the rest of my excuses and fears didn't matter. Duh - I know that in my head. It's my heart that's still struggling.

So, tonight I am going to our monthly women's meeting and am praying for the courage to seek out the choreographer of our church's dance team. I want to speak to her and get this old body moving forward. Maybe I'll even have the opportunity to get it moving in circles, and lunges, and leaps, in worship.

Chasing Lions. . .

Chasing a lion sounds like a crazy thing to do. . . and it is. Lions are massive creatures. They can be deadly creatures. But I'm in the middle of a fabulous book titled, In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day, by Mark Batterson - and it makes lion chasing sound like the most amazing way to live the John 10:10 life. In the book, he asks the question, "Are you living a life worth telling stories about?" I got to thinking about my safe, predictable life and had to honestly answer "no". How boring am I?!?

Deep down, I want to live an exciting, on fire, worth-telling-stories-about life. But the reality is, I don't do it. I began to reflect and started talking to God. I told him I didn't think He sent many lions my way. His response was that I missed them because I wasn't on the lookout for them. OUCH!! That's a painful truth. I probably wasn't looking for them though, because It isn't in my human nature to go running after something that could potentially harm or even kill me.

As a mom, I try to protect my kids from all the dangers lurking around them. I want them to be safe and free from harm. That's the natural motherly, nurturing thing to do. But, is it the right thing to do? Sure we don't want to put our kids or ourselves in danger. We need to use wisdom. God gave us good brains and I believe we need to use them. That said however, are we too busy being careful that we miss out on adventures, risk taking, and the abundant life God has planned for us? I think the answer is a resounding "yes".

I haven't finished the book In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day yet, but I have a feeling the more I read, the more convicted I will be to be on the lookout for lions; chase them when I find them; and trust God wholeheartedly to help me win the battles He's called me to fight. I am looking forward to new and exciting adventures. I want to make my kids proud and leave a legacy worth telling stories about.

Fessing Up . . .

Ok, so I finally fessed up to my husband that I'm not in my niche at the battery store. I told him that I almost felt like I was having a midlife crisis because I didn't really know what I wanted to be when I grew up (yeah - I'm 35 I know!). Talking to him was so scary because I didn't want to disappoint him. Truthfully, though, I don't think he was surprised at all.

Dennis was so supportive and so awesome. He knows that this is what I'm supposed to be doing right now, but not forever. He knows that working with him was a huge leap of faith for me. He also knows that God has something waiting for me in the wings, we just can't see it yet. I think even when this chapter is over, though he still wants me to keep the books! :) I think I can handle that!

It is so amazing and wonderful to have the support of my man. I really enjoy being with him during the day and am sure I will miss that when it's gone. We win together on great days and encourage each other on days that business is slow. I really didn't think we could work that well together, and at first it was a challenge. Now, it's pretty smooth (except for that PMS week I have monthly)! All joking aside, God has really shown me that we are a team and we can work together for a common goal. Something we hadn't truly done for awhile.

Dennis is in his element and smack dab in the middle of his calling. He is called to be a business owner and a king in the church to provide the provision to help fulfill the vision of our church to reach this community and beyond for Christ. I love seeing him on fire about what he is doing. He is amazing and I am so proud of him!

I can truly say that in this area of my life, I have no regrets. I may have questions and be unsure in what the future holds, but I have no regrets. . . . and that's the kind of life I want to live!

Feeling More Like a Flounder than a Clown Fish

Isn't a flounder the kind of fish that lays on the bottom and has eyes only on one side of their face. That's kind of what I feel like! Eight months ago when I took a flying leap of faith to help my wonderful husband start his business, it was as if I was free falling and didn't know where I'd land. Now I feel like I've hit the bottom and am floundering around in the wet sand - and can only see in one direction rather than the panoramic view I'm used to. Don't get me wrong, it is an amazing feeling knowing that I am helping Dennis fulfill his lifelong dream. It is so much fun watching him get excited over new sales leads and record days for the store - I know this business isn't just for him. . . he is building his family's future and the Kingdom of God.

That said, I struggle with my own purpose and my own dreams. I don't really even know what they are at this point - hence the flounder analogy. God keeps reminding me of the movie "Facing the Giants" when Grant Taylor asks his wife if she will still love God if He never gives them children. That was her dream - and he point blank asked her if she would still love Father God if she never sees her dreams fulfilled. That's kind of how I feel. I keep telling myself and God that if I work for Dennis the rest of my life, I will still love God. Batteries are not my dream - Dennis knows that and God knows that. But, I don't even know what my dream is.

In a post late last year I spoke of the new position at church that I was doing - - - and I absolutely love it! There's something inside me that lights on fire when I'm leading the team to new territory. It's scary, but it fits. That, however, isn't my daily focus. Maybe that's the challenge I'm trying to overcome right now. My daily focus doesn't seem to fit, but the "sideline routine" does.


I feel my job right now is to be Armor Bearer to Dennis. A new task that I am learning - I've been that for a friend, but God is showing me how I haven't ever really been that for Dennis. . . and in reality, I should be that for him first and foremost.

That said, I still feel like God has a different main plan and purpose for me. I just don't know what it is. Maybe the "sideline routine" will turn into more than that. Maybe it won't. That's a scary and frustrating place to be. But I know that no matter what, I will still love God. He sees me here floundering on the ocean floor and He isn't surprised by what is happening. My prayer is that I quickly learn what I am supposed to learn in this portion of my journey here on Earth, so that I may move forward in His plan and purpose. . . whatever that may be.

Life with Parkinson's

My parents came over yesterday - they live in Nebraska, so when they come it's a big deal! 11 1/2 years ago my dad was diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease. It was quite a blow for daddy's girl, but up until this point I've been pretty ok. The last couple of times I've seen my dad (6 months ago and yesterday) he just looks old, tired, and weak. Not the dad I remember playing frisbee with, shooting hoops in the driveway with, going fishing with, working crossword puzzles with. . . not the dad I remember. He was quick witted with a dry sense of humor - which is still there, but he struggles to get his thoughts out. I watched him yesterday struggle to sit straight up in a chair. He constantly leans to the left due to muscle deterioration. He doesn't have the tremors most people associate with Parkinson's. I think that was what I had mentally prepared for, but watching him shuffle his feet because he can't lift them, moving slowly for fear of falling (which he did yesterday - caught his toe on the carpet and fell face first in the hallway. I'm thankful he didn't hit his head.) watching him not be the man I know he is inside is tough!

I got online today to revisit some Parkinson's websites and they reminded me that people don't die because of Parkinson's they most commonly die due to falling, choking, or pneumonia. Not a vision I have for my dad.

What I am truly grateful for in all this is knowing that my dad loves God. I grew up with him being very anti-God and bitter due to past circumstances. Shortly after my oldest daughter was born, my dad gave his life to the Lord and spiritually I've watched him grow and flourish in a marriage that before was barely getting by.

It's so hard to see a silver lining when you are watching a loved one slowly deteriorate. I am so thankful for my dad, though. He is an amazing, present, actively involved dad that loves me and my kids unconditionally.

What an honor to be his daughter!

Something BIG . . .

Have you ever felt like you were on the verge of something big, something significant, something lifechanging? I feel like that right now. And I've felt that before and when I had that feeling, I was right.

A little over 7 years ago, Dennis and I became part of an organization that we felt would change our lives dramatically. We originally felt like it was a vehicle to increase our income, which it was, but what we didn't see was the dramatic changes it would make in our lives personally - for the better. When we first began our new journey, I had this excitement inside that something big and really important was about to happen. The thing is, though, it didn't happen immediately - it happened over a period of time. A long time. Through leadership training, books, CDs, conferences, etc, Dennis and I have drastically changed our lives. And looking back on the journey, the changes are not just big, they are HUGE!

Well, I have that feeling inside again. Our church has recently presented some new opportunities, some new structures that will be taking place, and the possible launch of a 2nd location. That's BIG! That said though, I have a new opportunity to do what my dream has become over the last 7 years and that is to be a leader of leaders. Our journey of personal development has sparked a desire in me to help others do the same thing - add value to their lives and to the lives of others. I've been really seeking and searching to find exactly what that desire meant for me and how it would play out. I have an opportunity to help lead the leaders in our Early Childhood Department and I want to do it with excellence, with gusto, and I want to succeed. Those butterflies of nervousness and excitement are in me and I am jumping in with both feet to help my team excel, so they in turn can help their individual teams excel.

God is so good! I do not take my responsibilities lightly - in fact after some more reading/education, I've realized some areas I've been lacking and I am striving to do more/better. Leadership is such an awesome responsibilty, but has the potential for great success and reward when you invest in the team you are leading.

Thank you God for this new opportunity. I pray you will guide and direct my every word and action. Help me be an encourager, effective vision caster, and leader. In Jesus' name - Amen.

Cherish Every Moment

A lot has happened in the last month to show me how precious and short life really is. . .

A young girl in our church (12 years old) was serving in our Children's Ministry one Sunday evening about a month ago. She started to get a headache, so she went home a little early and within an hour, she began vomitting and lost consciousness. After rushing her to the hospital and running some tests, it was realized that she had a tumor on her brain. This particular tumor is only found in girls starting puberty. Apparently it is hormone induced and it has to do with the pituitary gland (I think). This beautiful, vibrant young lady has spent the last month in Texas Children's Hospital and hasn't fully regained consiousness yet. She has fought infection, fever, sodium imbalances, and high heart rates. Currently she is stabilized and began her chemotherapy treatments 3 days ago. Not only has this affected her, but her family! Her parent's world stopped that night and it hasn't been the same since!

Also this month, I got word from my brother that a friend of ours had a medical condition requiring her to have brain surgery. She had some sort of condition that affected the base of her brain pushing into her spine and the space not being large enough. I don't fully understand all the lingo or terms, so that is very elementary language. Anyway, this is a mother of 2 beautiful children who is also involved in dance ministry professionally. Some said she'd never dance again. None of us believe that report! Her surgery was successful, but she still has a road of recovery ahead of her.

I also have a friend whose son may be diagnosed as having autism. What a precious little man who has a facination with numbers and a love for life like no child I've ever seen. I know it's been hard on his parents not understanding and wanting to ask "why" but knowing that God makes everyone just the way He wants them. There is nothing wrong with this little guy - he just processes the world in a different way than we do and that's probably not a bad deal at all!

All that said, I'm feeling very mortal right now. Even among my kids bickering, milk spilling, bathtub splashing, and debating "why momma's" I know that I need to cherish every moment of it. It's hard, especially on days like today where all the kids have done is tattle, cry, and whine about doing homework. They've litterally spilled their milk all over the kitchen floor, pouted because I wouldn't do something they wanted RIGHT THEN, and then tattled some more. And yet, as a mom, I know they are mine for only a short time - and really they aren't mine. They are God's kids and I'm honored to be called Mom. That is a title I cherish and pray I uphold that name with honor.

Father God, please forgive me for not savoring every moment of this life you've given to me. Each and every day is a blessing as are the children you've given Dennis and me. Help me, Lord, honor you in serving my family more, loving them more, and criticizing less. Help me build their confidence and self image. Help me show them You. In Jesus name, Amen