I posted on Facebook a couple days ago that I 'll be doing a couple of book signings at Scripture Haven in September. I'm pretty nervous, but as one lady reminded me, "Don't be nervous - you learned how to sign your name a looooooooooong time ago!" That comment made me literally laugh out loud all by myself in the computer room.
I had a long talk with the owner of Scripture Haven the other day - who happens to be a very kind and generous man. He is concerned that I will be disappointed if I don't sell a ton of books. Honestly, I probably will be disappointed if I don't sell very many books, but I continually remind myself, this is just one step in this process. This is more about my personal growth than selling books. God's asking me to stretch myself again and even if I don't sell a book, I will have been obedient to what God has asked me to do.
Those who know me, know I don't tend to fall on the social, outgoing side of the personality profile charts. I tend to be the quiet one in the corner analyzing people as they walk by - wishing I was more outgoing, fun-loving and free-spirited. Try as I may to grow and stretch myself, the "free-spirit" within me still hides fairly deep beneath this skin. All that said, the bottom line is, talking to strangers is hard for me to do. Shoot - sometimes even talking to my friends is hard for me to do! I tend to do more of the listening than the actual conversing!
Thankfully, my husband has pushed me just enough and God keeps kicking me gently in the butt just enough that I finally set the signings. We shall see what comes of it - even if what comes is strictly a personal growth experience. I'm stepping outside of my "box" once again - Lord, please hold my hand!
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Hard Lesson Learned
My beautiful daughter, Rebekah has walked through a hard lesson regarding people. To be exact, she is realizing someone she loves very much is not the person she thought she was. That's a difficult spot to be in as an adult, let alone at age 11.
I must say, though, I am very proud of her for the way she has handled most of the situations she's run in to the past 3 weeks with this loved one. She's acted pretty mature for the most part and sought guidance from me when she didn't know what to do. Can I just say, how I love that she comes to me for advice! Some kids think their parents are dumb and don't know anything, but the older she gets, the more she talks to me and I absolutley CHERISH that! I talked to my mom a little bit, but not like she talks to me. It really is quite an honor. :)
I don't want to give details because they really don't matter and I don't want to talk ugly about this person. I am praying for the person that has hurt Rebekah so deeply - we love her and nothing can change that. What has changed though is the level of trust and the dynamic of the relationship. I always tell Rebekah that, "hurting people, hurt people." It breaks my heart to know that Rebekah had to walk through this. I probably could have protected her if I had really tried, but she and I have talked and she knows she had to walk through this or she wouldn't have ever understood why we were protecting her if we had chosen to take that route.
It's hard to watch your kids learn hard lessons - especially when it isn't something they have done wrong. This was a character builder for her and I am believing God will use this experience to help her be a stronger, more compassionate woman of God. She's already pretty incredible in my book, but God has great things for her and I truly believe she had to travel this road to learn to walk a little more like Christ would walk. I am proud of her for her strength on this journey.
I love you, my Rebekah Dawn!
I must say, though, I am very proud of her for the way she has handled most of the situations she's run in to the past 3 weeks with this loved one. She's acted pretty mature for the most part and sought guidance from me when she didn't know what to do. Can I just say, how I love that she comes to me for advice! Some kids think their parents are dumb and don't know anything, but the older she gets, the more she talks to me and I absolutley CHERISH that! I talked to my mom a little bit, but not like she talks to me. It really is quite an honor. :)
I don't want to give details because they really don't matter and I don't want to talk ugly about this person. I am praying for the person that has hurt Rebekah so deeply - we love her and nothing can change that. What has changed though is the level of trust and the dynamic of the relationship. I always tell Rebekah that, "hurting people, hurt people." It breaks my heart to know that Rebekah had to walk through this. I probably could have protected her if I had really tried, but she and I have talked and she knows she had to walk through this or she wouldn't have ever understood why we were protecting her if we had chosen to take that route.
It's hard to watch your kids learn hard lessons - especially when it isn't something they have done wrong. This was a character builder for her and I am believing God will use this experience to help her be a stronger, more compassionate woman of God. She's already pretty incredible in my book, but God has great things for her and I truly believe she had to travel this road to learn to walk a little more like Christ would walk. I am proud of her for her strength on this journey.
I love you, my Rebekah Dawn!
Friday, July 2, 2010
Faith Challenge
Some background: It's been on my heart to write a book about finding God in challenging situations. Back in March or April, a friend of mine who lost her 8 year old daughter 9 years ago, mentioned in front of me wanting to put her daughter's story in book form. I later offered to help her with that if she wanted it. She's taken me up on the offer which is exciting!
However, now I am truly having some faith challenges. I am currently putting the journal of events that lead up to this precious girl's death into a Word Document. As I read the faith filled, enthusiastic, life giving journal, I struggle with the fact that I already know how the story ends. It isn't a happy ending, yet through all the circumstances this family found and saw God the entire journey.
I knew this family. I loved her daughter. Our youngest has taken her name for her middle name to give honor to this family and their precious little girl. If God had chosen to heal her, she would have just turned 17. Almost an imaginable thought to picture her as a 17 year old young woman.
God - I am asking for your strength, wisdom, and insight on how to put this manuscript together. The ultimate goal is to glorify you and anything less would be counterproductiive to the goal that has been set. Give her mom and I strength and courage to face the hard things and still find Your miracle working, Sovereign, Loving presence in this writing. Let Your light and love shine all over the pages of this project and let it touch the hearts of those who also have loved and lost. In Jesus name, Amen!
However, now I am truly having some faith challenges. I am currently putting the journal of events that lead up to this precious girl's death into a Word Document. As I read the faith filled, enthusiastic, life giving journal, I struggle with the fact that I already know how the story ends. It isn't a happy ending, yet through all the circumstances this family found and saw God the entire journey.
I knew this family. I loved her daughter. Our youngest has taken her name for her middle name to give honor to this family and their precious little girl. If God had chosen to heal her, she would have just turned 17. Almost an imaginable thought to picture her as a 17 year old young woman.
God - I am asking for your strength, wisdom, and insight on how to put this manuscript together. The ultimate goal is to glorify you and anything less would be counterproductiive to the goal that has been set. Give her mom and I strength and courage to face the hard things and still find Your miracle working, Sovereign, Loving presence in this writing. Let Your light and love shine all over the pages of this project and let it touch the hearts of those who also have loved and lost. In Jesus name, Amen!
Monday, March 29, 2010
USC - 12 Covenants
I love this! These are the 12 Covenants that the USC football team commits to if they want to play football. I shared them last night and applied them to serving in the church. Thought I'd share:
1. We will accomplish what we do together. We share our success and we never let any one of us fail alone.
2. we are fully grown adults. We will act as such, and expect the same from the people around us.
3. We will not keep secrets. Information that affects us all will be shared by all of us and we will quickly and openly work to separate fact from fiction.
4. We will not lie to ourselves or to each other. None of us will tolerate any of us doing so. We will depend on each other for the truth.
5. We will keep our word. We will say what we mean and do what we say. We trust the word of others to be good as well.
6. We will keep our head. We will not panic in the face of tough times. We will always choose to roll up our sleeves rather than wring our hands.
7. We will develop our abilities and take pride in them. We will set our own standards higher than our most challenging opponent and we will please our fans by pleasing ourselves.
8. We will treat our locker room (church facility) like home and our teammates like friends. We spend too much time together to allow things to go bad.
9. We will be unselfish and expect that everyone else will exhibit this same quality. We will care about each other without expectations.
10. We will look out for each other. We truly believe that we are our brother's keeper.
11. We are students at USC (members of CFC), and as such we will strive to graduate(strive for excellence). We take pride in our grade point average (level of excellence) and expect our teammates to do the same.
12. Losing cannot and will not be tolerated in anything we do. There is no excuse for losing a football game at USC. (There is no excuse for losing or giving in to a battle against the enemy! Souls are at stake!)
1. We will accomplish what we do together. We share our success and we never let any one of us fail alone.
2. we are fully grown adults. We will act as such, and expect the same from the people around us.
3. We will not keep secrets. Information that affects us all will be shared by all of us and we will quickly and openly work to separate fact from fiction.
4. We will not lie to ourselves or to each other. None of us will tolerate any of us doing so. We will depend on each other for the truth.
5. We will keep our word. We will say what we mean and do what we say. We trust the word of others to be good as well.
6. We will keep our head. We will not panic in the face of tough times. We will always choose to roll up our sleeves rather than wring our hands.
7. We will develop our abilities and take pride in them. We will set our own standards higher than our most challenging opponent and we will please our fans by pleasing ourselves.
8. We will treat our locker room (church facility) like home and our teammates like friends. We spend too much time together to allow things to go bad.
9. We will be unselfish and expect that everyone else will exhibit this same quality. We will care about each other without expectations.
10. We will look out for each other. We truly believe that we are our brother's keeper.
11. We are students at USC (members of CFC), and as such we will strive to graduate(strive for excellence). We take pride in our grade point average (level of excellence) and expect our teammates to do the same.
12. Losing cannot and will not be tolerated in anything we do. There is no excuse for losing a football game at USC. (There is no excuse for losing or giving in to a battle against the enemy! Souls are at stake!)
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Home Again . . .
Well, my brother's family along with me and the kiddos made it safely home early Saturday morning. It was smooth sailing as far as the ride goes, but we received a phone call shortly after we entered Kansas . . . .
Apparently my Dad had grabbed one of the nurses and made an inappopriate comment to her. (I will not go into details to maintain some sort of dignity for my Dad) Anyway, my mom was in tears - she didn't believe he did it, but I wasn't sure what to think. His behavior was completely inappropriate, but could be considered a "normal" behavior for someone with Parkinson's and/or dymensia. I did my best to consol my mom, but what do you say to that? There wasn't much I could say. The nursing home wanted to move my dad to a different facility because they said they couldn't "deal" with him. I was (and still am) of the opinion that people in nursing homes with mental issues (Parkinson's, dymensia, altzheimers, etc) tend to normally show "abnormal" or inapporiate behaviors and that being in nursing home care, it's just part of the deal. I felt like it was "one strike" and he was out.
It was the weekend though, so nothing would happen until Monday. Well, on Monday Mom called again and he did the same thing to another nurse - now, we had to admit that he really did in fact do these things though after my mom talked to him, he had no recollection of either incident and said he would never do what had been described. We knew that, but obviously the medicine or the disease was causing these irrational behaviors.
Yesterday my dad was transferred to Omaha to a facility to help wean him off his current Parkinson's medicine and try to find a different one that may work better. They were very helpful and kind according to my mom. She was at a point of giving up on the med's and just letting him be, but they feel it is worth one more shot at finding something to help with his thinking processes and eliminate his hallucinations and vividly morbid dreams. The facility tries to only keep people 7-10 days and then returns them to the nursing home they came from. There is a chance that it will take longer because Parkinson's patient's med's can be difficult to stabilize, but we'll see how this goes.
My mom had to go back home, so Dad is 5 hours away from Mom and I feel a million miles away from both of them.
Please be in prayer for my Dad - that the doctors will figure out what the best course of action is for him. Please be in prayer for my Mom - that she would be strong in the Lord and confident in the decisions she has to make for my Dad. Please pray for peace in my entire family as we walk through this hard time knowing though that we are not walking alone.
Apparently my Dad had grabbed one of the nurses and made an inappopriate comment to her. (I will not go into details to maintain some sort of dignity for my Dad) Anyway, my mom was in tears - she didn't believe he did it, but I wasn't sure what to think. His behavior was completely inappropriate, but could be considered a "normal" behavior for someone with Parkinson's and/or dymensia. I did my best to consol my mom, but what do you say to that? There wasn't much I could say. The nursing home wanted to move my dad to a different facility because they said they couldn't "deal" with him. I was (and still am) of the opinion that people in nursing homes with mental issues (Parkinson's, dymensia, altzheimers, etc) tend to normally show "abnormal" or inapporiate behaviors and that being in nursing home care, it's just part of the deal. I felt like it was "one strike" and he was out.
It was the weekend though, so nothing would happen until Monday. Well, on Monday Mom called again and he did the same thing to another nurse - now, we had to admit that he really did in fact do these things though after my mom talked to him, he had no recollection of either incident and said he would never do what had been described. We knew that, but obviously the medicine or the disease was causing these irrational behaviors.
Yesterday my dad was transferred to Omaha to a facility to help wean him off his current Parkinson's medicine and try to find a different one that may work better. They were very helpful and kind according to my mom. She was at a point of giving up on the med's and just letting him be, but they feel it is worth one more shot at finding something to help with his thinking processes and eliminate his hallucinations and vividly morbid dreams. The facility tries to only keep people 7-10 days and then returns them to the nursing home they came from. There is a chance that it will take longer because Parkinson's patient's med's can be difficult to stabilize, but we'll see how this goes.
My mom had to go back home, so Dad is 5 hours away from Mom and I feel a million miles away from both of them.
Please be in prayer for my Dad - that the doctors will figure out what the best course of action is for him. Please be in prayer for my Mom - that she would be strong in the Lord and confident in the decisions she has to make for my Dad. Please pray for peace in my entire family as we walk through this hard time knowing though that we are not walking alone.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Heading North . . . .
Well, Friday afternoon I leave with the kiddos and my brother's family to head to Nebraska to see my parents and my Grama. This will be the first time I've seen my dad, not at his home, but in a nursing home. I am praying that I can be strong for the kids and not break down in front of them. This is one of those moments you pray never comes, but you know is inevitable.
Watching your parents go through things like this is, in fact, in the natural order of things. It really doesn't make it much easier though. Now, I've never lost a child, and I pray I never do - I have a dear friend that lost her 8 year old daughter . . . that's NOT in the natural order of things, so I imagine that to be exponentially more difficult than this.
The thing is, I have been very sheltered from death in my family. People have died, but it's been great-uncles/aunts and one Grama. That was in the natural order of things too. I think I am struggling with my dad so much because he's still pretty young - he's 67 - not the average age of a person in nursing home care. Heck, I have an employee at Batteries Plus that's 72 and he can outwork some of my young employees!
I know fairness has nothing to do with life, but I still struggle with the "fair" thing. It's not fair! He wasn't a drinker (occassional, but not a lush - and not at all the past 15 years), he wasn't a smoker, he was a great dad and a great provider for our family.
I could stand before God and argue until I was blue in the face, but the bottom line is - God is in control and He is not surprised by my dad's condition nor my frustration, anger and sadness.
I thank God often for the fact that my dad turned his life around about 11 years ago. If it wasn't for that - I don't know what I'd do or how I'd be reacting to all this. But I do know - I have hope - that one day, my dad will be free from the cage of his body, without pain, confusion, and frustration. One day, I will see him again healed and whole and free.
I love you dad!
Watching your parents go through things like this is, in fact, in the natural order of things. It really doesn't make it much easier though. Now, I've never lost a child, and I pray I never do - I have a dear friend that lost her 8 year old daughter . . . that's NOT in the natural order of things, so I imagine that to be exponentially more difficult than this.
The thing is, I have been very sheltered from death in my family. People have died, but it's been great-uncles/aunts and one Grama. That was in the natural order of things too. I think I am struggling with my dad so much because he's still pretty young - he's 67 - not the average age of a person in nursing home care. Heck, I have an employee at Batteries Plus that's 72 and he can outwork some of my young employees!
I know fairness has nothing to do with life, but I still struggle with the "fair" thing. It's not fair! He wasn't a drinker (occassional, but not a lush - and not at all the past 15 years), he wasn't a smoker, he was a great dad and a great provider for our family.
I could stand before God and argue until I was blue in the face, but the bottom line is - God is in control and He is not surprised by my dad's condition nor my frustration, anger and sadness.
I thank God often for the fact that my dad turned his life around about 11 years ago. If it wasn't for that - I don't know what I'd do or how I'd be reacting to all this. But I do know - I have hope - that one day, my dad will be free from the cage of his body, without pain, confusion, and frustration. One day, I will see him again healed and whole and free.
I love you dad!
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Struggling . . . .
I got word yesterday that my Dad is officially in a nursing home from this point forward. It's been an up and down sort of a deal because of his behavior on medications, his ability to still walk around and "function" and the struggle of my mom wanting to be able to care for him, but not fully being able to anymore.
At first the nursing home wasn't sure they could handle caring for him because he can still walk around and go do some things on his own and often he will go into other people's rooms, try to leave, etc. The other day he took someone else's glasses insisting they were his and wouldn't give them back. His own glasses . . . . yeah - they were on his face, but there was no convincing him. He has hallucinations, but at this point they aren't violent or anything like that. He sees people. He sees me, my brother, old friends, strangers. . . . . At this point, the good and bad news is, his behavior right now is probably at its worst. There will be a time when he can't get up and move around and that will actually make it easier on the staff at the nursing home. It isn't really good news, but it will make the staff's daily challenges a little less.
Parkinson's is an ugly disease and I hate that my Dad is struggling with this. I hate that my Mom is now alone, traveling the roads between where my Grama is staying and where my Dad now is. I hate that they are so far away. I hate watching my strong, stoic Dad disintegrate.
We are going to Nebraska over spring break and it will be a difficult visit to stay at my parent's house without my Dad there. It's going to be hard on my kids . . . it's going to be hard on me.
I broke down last night for the first time. I cried like I haven't cried in years. My eyes still have the puffy evidence of that cry this morning.
I know this life is temporary and one day my Dad will be free from the chains of Parkinsons. In the meantime, I take one step at a time, hoping I can be strong for my mom and my kids and that God will hold me up. I don't like struggling. I don't like it at all.
At first the nursing home wasn't sure they could handle caring for him because he can still walk around and go do some things on his own and often he will go into other people's rooms, try to leave, etc. The other day he took someone else's glasses insisting they were his and wouldn't give them back. His own glasses . . . . yeah - they were on his face, but there was no convincing him. He has hallucinations, but at this point they aren't violent or anything like that. He sees people. He sees me, my brother, old friends, strangers. . . . . At this point, the good and bad news is, his behavior right now is probably at its worst. There will be a time when he can't get up and move around and that will actually make it easier on the staff at the nursing home. It isn't really good news, but it will make the staff's daily challenges a little less.
Parkinson's is an ugly disease and I hate that my Dad is struggling with this. I hate that my Mom is now alone, traveling the roads between where my Grama is staying and where my Dad now is. I hate that they are so far away. I hate watching my strong, stoic Dad disintegrate.
We are going to Nebraska over spring break and it will be a difficult visit to stay at my parent's house without my Dad there. It's going to be hard on my kids . . . it's going to be hard on me.
I broke down last night for the first time. I cried like I haven't cried in years. My eyes still have the puffy evidence of that cry this morning.
I know this life is temporary and one day my Dad will be free from the chains of Parkinsons. In the meantime, I take one step at a time, hoping I can be strong for my mom and my kids and that God will hold me up. I don't like struggling. I don't like it at all.
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