Going on Strike!

Dear Children Whom I Love Beyond Measure!

I'm thinking about going on strike!  I'm thinking the only laundry I will do will belong to me and your daddy.  And, children, when you do laundry, please don't leave the wad of dryer lint on the dryer -I'll hide it inside one of your socks as a surprise for you later.  I won't wash dishes b/c I will eat off of paper plates and use plastic ware while requiring my children to eat with "real" plates and utensils so they are forced to wash them if they'd like to eat again.  I am happy to cook for you, but I'm not cleaning up the kitchen. You can make your own school lunches though; I know you're capable of that.   Dirty clothes, toys, craft projects, etc I find laying around the house will go into a box where I will safely keep them and if you want it back it will cost you.  .  .  I'm not sure what, but you will pay!  I love you my dear children . . . . I love you enough to teach you that you have some responsibilities here and I can't do it alone.  

Now, I'm not saying you don't currently help with chores at all, because you do. . . . when it's convenient or when we fuss at you.  No more fussing.  I'm pretty tired of that -I don't like how that makes me feel.  Your mama wants to be outside and have free-time and go play just like you do.  Maybe if I help you learn the art of balancing your responsibilities with free-time we can all play together more.  I'd really like that!

So, I love you my dear ones and I hope that this strike will help you grow up a little bit in your responsibilities and diminish the entitlement mentality.  

How long will the strike be, you ask?  Well, that all depends on you and how quickly you learn to help out a little bit more around the house.  Just know, when I come off of strike, there's no guarantee I won't go back if you revert to old behaviors.  

I love you!  And one day you will thank me for correcting you and making you better!
Happy Chores!

Mama

Thanksgiving 2013

I see people every year on Facebook posting one thing each day that they are thankful for.  It's fun to see them and to read them, but I've never personally done it.  Yet, this year I feel the need to show myself all that I am thankful for.  So, here it goes, a whole month of thankfulness in one post:
1.  Jesus Christ -My LORD, my savior.  Without Him, I'd have no hope.
2.  My husband.  Sometimes he makes me crazy, but the fact that he's still here with me and stuck with me through the darkest part of my life still amazes me.  I love you, babe!
3.  My kiddos - Again, sometimes they make me crazy, but I love their hearts.  They love Jesus and I have a blast with them.  They've taught me how to laugh more, love bigger, and get over my OCD when it comes to putting the Christmas tree decorations up.  ;)
4.  My parents.  Dad isn't here on the planet with us anymore, but thanks to #1, I'll get to see him again one day.  My Mom and Dad raised me well and somehow kept me on the straight and narrow.  They supported me in all my endeavors and were always my biggest fans.  Love you, Mom!
5.  My brother.  This guy - - - - this guy makes me laugh the hardest and I love him so much.  He calls me even now to check in on me and I love that.  Not many people have siblings that are great friends.  I do and it is truly a blessing.  Love you, David!
6.  My dog.  This ridiculous animal steals my pillow or my seat on the couch anytime I get up and move.  He gives me dirty looks when he doesn't get his way and he climbs up on the chair to the kitchen table and stares at me when he wishes I would move to the couch and snuggle with him.  He's got a lot more personality than some people I've met.  
7. My true friends.  I was the kind of girl that always hung with the guys because girls were too messy and dramatic.  I've got a few really close girlfriends that I'm thankful for that have erased all my preconceived notions about women and their messiness.  I love you ladies!  You know who you are! And to my guy friends (my college bowling buddies and my bride's dudes) love you guys like crazy!  I'm thankful for you and the fact that we get to have a chance for our families to hang out a couple times a year.  You all mean the world to me! 
8.  My home.  Yes, I'm thankful for the roof over my head and the pretty decorations inside.  But, I'm more thankful for the atmosphere we have.  The safe haven to be me with no walls and no masks.  
9.  Batteries Plus - There is so much that falls underneath this one.  My source of income, freedom to stay home and school Caleb, the guys we work with are awesomely amazing and are fun team members to work with.  It's so much more than selling batteries and light bulbs.  I love our purpose, our vision, and where God is taking us.  What an adventure!
10.  Quiet time alone in front of a fireplace.  Selah
11.  My Grama Weddel - I wish I could just sit at her feet and soak in her wisdom and love. 
12.  Caleb's curious mind - this kid can take apart a toy and remake it into a working contraption that does something completely different.  It boggles my mind the genius in that brain that I do not have. 
13.  Rachel's quick wit - This girl has a quicker wit than any kid I think I've ever seen.  She keeps me laughing and reminds me it's okay to be silly and cut loose.  
14.  Rebekah's drive and passion.  Basketball has brought out the tiger in this girl.  She's motivated, hard working, and persistent.  I admire that and those qualities will take her far in her purpose!
15.  Fuzzy socks - they aren't sexy, but they sure keep my feet warm!
16.  The sunshine on my face.  There's not much that feels better than that in my opinion.
17.  Books - love to read, but even more than just reading, I love how God works to change me and make me more Christlike through the books I choose to read.  
18.  Wisdom from my Creator.  That women's intuition thing is truly the Holy Spirit working in us.  I'm thankful I hear that -sense that -and work daily to heed that because I know it's for my own good.
19.  My health.  That can sound so canned, but I'm truly thankful I don't get sick often.  I know people who battle diseases daily (my son-Type 1 diabetes) and some are just sickly.  I don't have those issues and I'm grateful for that.
20.  Caleb's endocrinologist - speaking of Type 1 -this couple is AWESOMESAUCE!  They kept Caleb out of the hospital when he was first diagnosed and have walked this journey with us.  They know personally what it's like to be Type 1 and they don't judge when an A1C may be a little higher than they'd like.  I love them and am thankful God placed them in our lives.  Love you Nurse Kelley and Dr. C!
21.  Technology - Air conditioning, central heat, gas fireplace, my laptop, cell phone, lights, etc.
22.  Dirt - I love playing in the dirt.  The past few years we've taken a stab at gardening.  Sometimes we have great success, other times not so much.  But, I love trying.  I totally think I could have been a farmer and been happy as a clam! (That's the Cornhusker coming out in me!)
23.   A good movie - I'm not much of a movie watcher, but when there's a really good one, I love to sit on the couch with a blanket and just get lost in the story.  
24.  Muscle Cars - that may be a weird thing to be thankful for, but I love them.  One day I want to own a 1969 Camaro.  I love old cars.  I love the beastly sound they make when you rev that engine.
25.  Motorcycles - I'm a Harley fan (goes back to that beastly sound I mentioned in #24).  Dennis is a Goldwing guy.  It's okay, like Dennis says, "either way, you catch the same wind."
26.  My car - my car isn't much, but it gets me where I need to go and has been pretty stinking reliable.  Rides like a Cadillac for not nearly the cost!
27.  Families that we "do life with". 
28.  Duh, my church!  COVENANT FAMILY CHURCH totally rocks!  Our pastors, Danny and Janet Green are amazing.  They know that CFC is the only place our kids have ever known and they don't take that responsibility lightly.  They love us even though we have quirks and accept us for who we are.  They lead us to a deeper understanding of the Word and help us walk out the Truth in our daily lives.  Love you, Pastors!  
29.  The men's Bible Study Dennis is involved in.  I think my man has been in the same Bible study group for 13 years or something crazy like that.  These men are accountable to one another and understand what it means to be a man of God, husband, friend, father, etc. 
30.  Thirty days has November, so this is the last one - Got to bring it back to Jesus.  Thankful he loves me enough to accept me as I am, but also loves me enough to help me change and become better.  Without Him, I might lose focus of what really matters.  Maybe that's why He had me do this post.  .  .  to remind me of what truly matters and all that He's blessed me with in this life.  I love Him and if you don't have a relationship with Him, you're totally missing out.  

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Poor vs Lazy

Ephesians 4:28
"Those who are stealing must stop stealing and start working. They should earn an honest living for themselves. Then they will have something to share with those who are poor. "

I noticed in this verse that the poor and those that are stealing are not considered to be one in the same. I think there is a significantly distinguished difference here. I have to think that those stealing were being lazy and not working whereas the poor weren't stealing, but trying to do an honest day's work and simply struggling financially.  

Many of us have been there -I know I have.  Struggling financially, but still working our tails off trying to make a living, keeping a roof over our heads and our kids fed and clothed.  Sometimes life is tough.  Crap happens, but stealing should not be an option.  

I think about the people in Louisiana who took advantage of the glitch where their food cards had no limit.  These people are part of the reason that the welfare program in America doesn't work.  It doesn't help the poor (the honest workers struggling), it is a system being taken advantage of by people who could work and are sucking the government dollars dry.  They sucked it even drier when the system was down.  It shows a lot about their character and it makes me wonder if their lifestyle is such of stealing from the government so they don't have to work.  The fraud and waste disgusts me.  

Yes, the program is to give people a hand up, not a hand out, but it isn't working.  Scripture tells these people to get off their duff and get a job.  If they do, not only will they help themselves, but they will also be able to help the poor who are doing things the right way, but just struggling temporarily.

Doxology

So, my assignment for Bible study is to write a Doxology (an outpouring of praise and affection to God).  Seeing how my love language is NOT words of affirmation, I am struggling a bit with this so it ought to be interesting.   .   .   .

God, I do love you even though I may not verbalize it much.  It's hard to for me to understand the kind of relationship you are wanting with me.  I don't know if I don't know how to go deeper or if I'm afraid of going deeper for fear of what will be revealed about me.  

I thank you for my family.  You've blessed me with three beautiful children who love You.  I trust that they are safe in Your hands as I work to guide them and direct them closer to you.  My husband -oh my husband!  He works his tail off for this family and I appreciate you sending someone to me like that.  

I long for a deeper relationship with you, but don't know how to accomplish that.  I want to hear and know your voice every time You speak.  I know you love me and care about every detail of my life, yet that is just head knowledge, not heart knowledge.  Touch my heart and let me feel Your love and mercy dwelling within me.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              

Punched in the Throat

Have you ever been punched in the throat before?  That happened to me last night -not literally, but it sure felt like it.  Pain, hard to breathe, a little sick to the stomach? 

I began (for the 2nd time) doing the Faithful, Abundant, True Bible study.  Kay Arthur was speaking last night on the book of Hebrews.  I have to admit, she's a little difficult for me to follow, but one scripture I've heard a thousand times jumped off the page at me and God punched me in the throat with it.  Hebrews 5:12 "By this time you ought to be teachers yourselves, yet here I find you need someone to sit down with you and go over the basics on God again, starting from square one -baby's milk, when you should have been on solid food long ago!  Milk is for beginners, inexperienced in God's ways; solid food is for the mature, who have some practice in telling right from wrong."

The part that hurt the most -"By this time you ought to be teachers yourselves. . . . "  Part of the dream in my heart is to teach.  I went to school to be a teacher -granted, an elementary school teacher, but teaching was in my heart at a very young age.  After having a not very pleasant experience in the public school system, I left that arena for other things.  I do NOT believe leaving the public school was a mistake, but I have wondered since then why God put it in my heart to get a teaching degree if I wasn't going to use it but for four years.  

A number of years ago, I felt like teaching was once again something I would like to do, but not in the schools.  I have a passion for people to be financially stable, sound, and prosperous.  I also have a passion for leadership -people taking full responsibility for themselves, their actions, and their future and helping bring others along with them in God's purpose and bettering themselves and others along the way.  The longer I live though, the further away I feel I have become from anything close to teaching or leading others.  

I feel like God showed me last night that, "By this time you (me) out to be teachers yourselves..." Great, it's my own dang fault I'm not where I want to be!  Time to kick it in, dig deeper, and learn to get on that solid food for myself.  Not from anyone else, but just me and God time.  I'm not good at that -it is definitely a weakness of mine.  I LOVE to read and devour books of finances, leadership, growth, etc.  I struggle though just sitting in the Word and chewing it on it for myself.  

Time to set the alarm a little earlier and do this thing!  

Who Do You Think You Are . . . .

The closer we got to school starting the more bummed I got.  You could call it border-line depressed I suppose.  The start of school will be exciting for Rebekah - she starts her freshman year in High School and I'm wondering how I got this old.  Rachel will head off to 4th grade -her final year in Elementary.  And again, I'm wondering how I got this old!  Caleb, well he'll be a teenager in a few weeks and starting his first year of junior high.  Two teenagers in the house?  Am I really old enough for that?!  But with him, I'm also wondering why . . . . . Why does he have to have learning challenges?  Why did public school just not work well for him?  Why does he have to struggle so much?  Why did God call me to home school him when He knows I don't want to? 

Call me whiny if you like.  I know there are a plethora of women who would love to stay  home and home school their children.  I actually was one of them before I ever had kids.  I had this dream of popping out kiddos and being the perfect mom, perfect wife, house clean, dinner on the table, 1950's era stay-at-home-diva who educated her children at home.  Well, after staying home for 2 years when Rebekah and Caleb were born, I quickly realized that staying at home was not really how God had wired me. I don't do well staying in one place for too long.  I'm even more social than I had realized.  I'm a terrible house keeper.  I'm way too moody a wife/mom, and although I can get dinner on the table, it's really only because I'm hungry; it's not about anyone else.  We went deeply into debt those two years I was home so I went back to work to try and help us dig out of our mess and regain some sanity.  

Well, here we are 11 years after going back to work, and I'm now working from home.  A fairly nice luxury because I can work in my pajamas with yesterday's makeup smudged on my face and no one cares.  This luxury though, has now brought on extra responsibility (or opportunity) -homeschooling my son.  

Caleb was one of those kids who was falling through the cracks of the public school system.  He was failing educationally and in a downward spiral emotionally and spiritually.  It was a difficult thing to watch happen.   After much discussion, prayer, tears, and arguing with God, I submit to the fact that Caleb needed me to teach him.  NOT in my plan.  

So, here we are, two weeks away from school starting and God has really jerked me up short the past month.  I'm still not in the best frame of mind, but it's getting better.  Let me show you why. . . 

July 2nd, 2013 at H2O - Ps. Lisa asks the question, "Do you know when God calls your name?" Thankfully, I can honestly answer, "yes."  She then went on to say, "We can never fully understand God, but I have to know Him well enough to know He has the best plan for me."   I certainly don't know what God is up to.  I feel so far away from what I feel He has for me in the future and each year I feel I grow further and further away.  It's often hard to trust that He does know what's best, but I'm trying.

July 7th, 2013 at Sun morning service- Kendra shares the scripture from Joshua 1:9, "Be strong and courageous."  I didn't want to be courageous, and I feel weak in the home school category, but okay, God.  I'll try.  

July 14th & 21st at Sun morning service- Ps. John Morgan talks about the clash between our soul and our spirit.  There is definitely a clash going on inside me.  I struggle between knowing I am doing what God has asked and the fact that it sucks that Caleb even has learning challenges and the fact that I just don't want to do this.  Why does God ask us to do things we don't want to do?

July 28th at Sun morning service - Ps. Nathan talked about Zaccheus and how we need to come down from our "tree" of depending on our own skills and abilities.  Yes, I do tend to be stubbornly independent and I don't like to ask for help.  I do know, though that God will help me with home schooling if I would just ask.  

August 4th Sun morning video message - I completely missed the name of the man that spoke, but he talked about how there is value in our struggles; God's grace is all I need; give God my best and trust Him with the rest; when I focus on the struggle and challenges they will eat me alive. (yes, they will!) Keep on Rocking!  So I realized that there is value in Caleb's struggle and there is value in my struggle with not wanting to home school.  It's easy for me to see the value in my son's struggle (He will learn persistence, work ethic, tenacity . . . they can all increase in the struggle), but it's very difficult to back up and see what value there is in God asking me to do something I dislike.  I guess I'm building character.  Learning to be selfless, more giving, and more reliant on my Creator.  

August 6, 2013 at H2O - Jeanette Madkins - This Girl is on Fire!  I realized being in the fire doesn't have to be a bad thing.  God's fire is refining and purifying.  This struggle I'm in may be refining me and turning me more into who He needs me to become in order to fulfill my calling for Him.  He may be using the tool of Homeschooling to create the me He needs me to be.  Lord burn off of me what binds me and just like in cooking with alcohol, leave only that which is truly useful.  

August 6th -Bible reading at home - Job 38:1 "Who do you think you are to disagree with my plans?  You do not know what you are talking about."  Well, geez God.  Could you be any more blunt than that?!  So, even though I don't want to home school, I shouldn't disagree because I don't know what I'm talking about?  Well, that was a tough one to digest.  I'm still not excited about home school, but Lord, I'm trying to quit arguing with you.  

August 11, 2013 Sun morning service - Ps. Danny - "stay focused on lifting up the purpose of Jesus"  Jesus came to serve.  Isn't that what I'm doing for Caleb - serving him?  I am partnering with God to help Him fulfill Caleb's life purpose.  Lord, help me hone in on Caleb's skills, gifts, and talents to help him become who You need him to be in order to fulfill his life purpose.  

I know this is long, but aside from the message God got through to me over the period of a month and a half through various people, there is a message to all of you too who are not planted in a church.  It took some time and a number of different teachings to get me to the place where I can quit whining.  I'm still struggling, but I'm done whining.  If I had missed any one of these teachings, not all of the dots may have been connected that I needed to be connected. 

Thank you God for talking to me and using every single one of these people to help reach me and bring me to a place of peace.  It's not a place of ease, but a place of peace.  Help me move forward with excellence and meet the need of my son.  In Jesus name . . . Amen!  
 

Man's Best Friend . . .

I was making breakfast the other morning and our dog, Bullet, assumed the position at my feet while I was scrambling some eggs.  This dog cracks me up.  The looks he gets on his face sometimes . . . That dog can give me some of the dirtiest looks! Sometimes I swear he's cussing me out, thinking I'm a simple-minded stupid human.  This time though, he had his cute brown puppy-dog eyes looking at me with excited anticipation with his little nubby tail wagging on the floor.  He was waiting for something good.  Something yummy.  Something way better than his dry dog food that he gets every morning and evening for meals.  I looked down at him and just laughed because he knows that I have something special for him.  And he knows, I'm going to give in and give him a bite. 

God spoke to me at that moment and asked me why I don't look to Him that way. . . . with excited anticipation about what He's going to do next in my life.  With hopeful wondering as to what my future holds in Him.  With joy knowing that He has good things in store for me -even better than the path I'm currently on. 

Interesting isn't it?  I am at a place right now where I ask God often when I'll get out of my slump.  When can I do something new?  Why does it have to be so hard?  Do you see I'm miserable?  How long do I have to struggle before the next phase?  Why is it, I can't be more like my dog?  Why don't I look to God as man's best friend, like my dog looks to me? 

See, my dog knows I'm not going to give him anything bad.  It's always good.  Even if it's just a bowl of dog food . . . it's still good for him.  But the occassional taste of meat or a slice of banana or strawberry (he loves fruit!), that's even better and my dog knows I won't give him anything bad.  He doesn't get discouraged when he "only" gets dog food.  He is excited about that too!  But the look in his eye, when he knows there's something better coming, that's the look I want when I look to God in my moments of wondering why and when. 

I'm not there yet.  But God has shown me that I need to work on getting there.  He only has good things in store for me, I just have to trust with joy, knowing that He's my best friend and He won't do me wrong.