Answers

I love it when God speaks through my kiddos! Two posts ago I wrote about wandering and not knowing what to do about my next book. Well, I wrote (quite awhile ago) a children's story that has been sitting in my computer and at the back of my mind. Yesterday afternoon, out of the blue, Caleb says, "Mama, when are you going to get that book, ___________________ published?" (I'm keeping the title secret for now). It was the children's story I had written. So, I am taking that as a sign from God that publishing that bad boy is my next project. The Children's Book industry is said to be pretty brutal and tough to get into so I am doing some beginning research trying to figure out what direction to go. I am praying for wisdom and favor for this project as I am lost as a mud duck! Thank you God for speaking and I am believing for cool things to come from this project.

Apologies

Have you ever had to apologize for something that you really didn't feel you owed an apology for? That may sound weird, but I remember growing up my dad telling me about "guilt by association." That pretty much meant if I chose to hang with a crowd that was doing wrong - even if I chose not to participate in whatever it was they were doing - that I was guilty just the same. There was one time I remember having to apologize for just being with the wrong people at the wrong time even though I hadn't done what the rest of the crowd was doing. I pretty much decided from that point on I was not going to make that mistake again. It was hard to apologize, but it made a distinct impression I haven't forgotten.

So, you might wonder, what it is I've done (or not done) that I am now aplogizing for. Well, it wasn't for hanging with the wrong crowd or being in the wrong place at the wrong time. This time it is for words I spoke that were misunderstood and taken completely wrong. The person on the receiving end of my words interrupted a sentence and then took what I said out of context. She then proceeded to verbally tear me apart and pretty much tell me how bad I suck. Not exactly what every person wants to hear!

This conversation has been bothering me for over a week. I've been hurt. I'm angry. I pretty much want to rip this person's head off and then use it as a soccer ball. . . . . but then that wouldn't be the Christ like thing to do now, would it? ;)

Instead, God had me write this person a letter today apologizing for my lack of communication skills and for hurting her feelings. Did I say anything wrong in our initial conversation? I honestly don't think so. However, God has lead me to write this letter and I am trusting it will heal the unintended wound I gave this person. In turn, I am also trusting that God will use this process to heal my hurt heart so I don't hold a grudge against this person. I'm pretty good at carrying a grudge. Sometimes I can carry it so long, I forget why I have the grudge. Now that's BAD! I don't mean to carry the grudges around. I honestly try to let most of it roll off my shoulders, but what really ends up happening is I usually brush it under the rug, but the problem is that it (whatever it is) is still really there. It's just hiding under the surface waiting to be released at the next deep cleaning.

I know if I hadn't addressed the issue that I had with this person, the dirt under the rug would have come out again later on down the road. Ignoring an issue is sometimes an ok way to deal with things. Other times, the issue needs to be addressed so we can move forward.

So today, I apologized to someone who has hurt me deeply. Will this person accept the apology? I don't know. That's between her and God now. I've done my part and pray that God will continue healing my hurt and allow my act of forgiveness to become a true feeling of forgiveness. Right now my forgiveness is a verbal choice with no emotion involved what so ever.

Faithin' it 'til I make it!

Lara

Wandering . . . .

I know I am supposed to write another book. But, just like God, He isn't working in me the same way twice. I am having the hardest time pulling my thoughts together! I think I have a topic and then I start writing only to find myself "wandering off" in a different direction. So, then I think, hmmmmm, maybe I'm supposed to write about _____________. So I give that a shot and then end up wandering again.

I sure hope all this wandering on the pages comes together in some orderly fashion! I feel like the Israelites wandering through the dessert. I know the Promised Land is just over the hill, but instead I keep going in circles like a dog chasing its tail!

What to do . . . . What to do!