Downloading . . . .

We had to roll the clocks back 1 hour last night, so here it is 6 in the morning and my body thinks it's really 7.  The house is quiet and my brain is reflecting on the past week and a lot has happened and it's been pretty emotional.

Last weekend was the JDRF Gulfcoast chapter's walk for a cure.  Our family participated for the first time ever and it was FREEZING!  Rachel was trying hard to control her tears because she was so miserable.  I kept telling her to remember we were there to support Caleb and there was to be no complaining.  (I was actually reminding myself of this as well!) She never complained, only asked me to hold her to keep her warm as little tears rolled down those freckled cheeks.  It can make for a long walk when you are trying to carry an almost 9 year old -glad she's petite!

There were TONS of people there, including our endocrinologist and his wife (our favorite nurse), Kelley.  We walked and drank Coke Zeros and snacked on bananas while trying to warm up.  The kids got their faces painted and got free tattoos -the sticker ones of course.  We were complimented multiple times on our team t-shirts that nurse Kelley created.  VIVA LA INSULINA!

After it was over and we were heading back to the car, Caleb walked up next to me and wrapped his arm around my waist and said, "thank you for bringing me to this."  My heart melted and tears welled up in my eyes.  I wasn't sure if Caleb even really understood why were there or what we were doing.  He knew we were going to walk around and it had something to do with diabetes, but I wasn't sure he fully grasped why we were there and what we were doing.  He did and it touched my heart.  I cried because he fully understood.  And I cried because I wished he didn't have to fully understand because Diabetes sucks.  All in all, it was a good Saturday -emotional, but good. 

Sunday evening as I was about to shut down my computer and head to bed, I received a private FB message from my dear friend Lisa.  She had found lump in her right breast and was scheduled for a biopsy in the morning.  My heart sank.  The doctor told her there was a slight chance it wasn't cancer.  Not a very encouraging report.  Sure, we believe God's report.  Yes, we know He stopped at the whipping post for our healing before he headed to the cross.  But there are no guarantees that we won't have to walk through some stuff before we get that healing.  Thursday evening, we found out it is cancer.  Cancer sucks, but it sucks even more when it shows up in someone you love.  Once again, tears welled up in my eyes.  Why?!?!? was all I could think.  LIsa is one of the most giving people I have ever met.  She's humble and quiet about her gifts, but they are overflowingly generous and she didn't deserve this battle.  No one "deserves" the battle of cancer, but she really didn't deserve this battle.  Know what I mean?

Now I'm mad.  Breast cancer has attacked our Pastor's wife 3 times and she's still walking out the 3rd battle.  Our church lost a precious lady to breast cancer just 2 weeks ago and who knows how many other women within our church walls (and outside too) are facing this tough battle.  The enemy is on the prowl and I'm tired of it! 

Friday and Saturday was our annual women's conference at church.  Lisa was the leader on this project and handed the torch to some wonderful women who completely fulfilled Lisa's vision so Lisa could go be with her entire family and just spend time together before the fight begins.  As I was sitting Friday night, being refreshed by a wonderful speaker, I received a text from another friend of mine who I noticed wasn't at the conference.  She and her daughter were headed to Scott and White in Temple -Faith's blood sugar was over 500 and she wasn't doing well.  My heart sank.  Now I'm not just angry, I'm pissed! 

I know all too well what that high blood sugar number means.  When Caleb was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes almost two years ago it wasn't like the doctor said, "Well, his blood sugar is over 600 so it could be this or this or this."  It was, "I'm sorry, Caleb has Type 1 Diabetes."  There was no ambiguity or thoughts of what else might cause his blood sugar to be that high.  His pancreas simply stopped working for whatever reason and now it was time for some insulin shots -forever barring a miracle.  (Which, we are believing for!) 

At this time, sweet Faith is still in the hospital with hopes of getting released on Monday.  Her mom text me and was encouraged because she had seen our family walk through Caleb's diabetes together.  Very humbling because we often feel we are muddling our way through.  Muddle as we may, we do it together.  Our family did make a consious choice to rally around Caleb and support him with an entirely new diet (gluten free - because gluten is bad for anyone with an autoimmune disease) and mostly grain free as well.  Caleb is completely grain free except for special occassions like a birthday party as it helps us control his blood sugar better.  It's still a roller coaster, but not near the roller coaster it was when he was eating rice and pasta and bread. 

It's tough - Rebekah was teased at school the other day about her lunch.  Seriously?!?!  If you feel the need to pick on someone because of their lunch, you have a sorry existence.  I told Rebekah to tell that girl to shut her pie hole. . . . . I have no patience for ignorance!  Not very Christlike maybe, but then again, Jesus had no patience for ignorance either.  I'm pretty sure He threw some temple tables!  Maybe it's time I go throw some lunch tables!

It's expensive - When you eat hamburgers and hot dogs with no $1 per package buns, you can eat more meat and vegetables and fruit because the bread isn't there to fill you up.  When everyone is eating more healthy, gluten free foods and less cheap mac & cheese, your food bill will skyrocket.  When God really convicted me to lead my family down this mostly Paleo diet and gluten free always meals, I told Him that He was going to have to figure out how we were going to pay for it, because our budget just wasn't going to work with about a $400 per month increase.  He honored that request.  I don't know how we make it each month, but we do.  God honored that becuase it's what He wants us to do. 

The whole diabetes road is emotional.  From blood sugar highs to blood sugar lows and then the weeks where things are almost perfect and you are praying it's because God is healing that pancreas and it's working -even if it's just a little bit. 

Our family is standing with Faith and with Caleb.  We have believed from day 1 that Caleb would be healed from this disease.  We are believing that for Faith as well.  My heart is sad for Faith that she has to walk this road, like it was sad for Caleb.  But I know, our God is greater, our God is stronger, God You are higher than any other.  Our God is healer.  Awesome in power.  Our God!!

So, to Pastor Janet, Pastor Lisa, Caleb, and Faith and all the other warriors walking through their battle I salute you.  I am praying for you.  Remember, the enemy has been defeated! 

Throwing Stones . . . .

Stephen was said to be the apostle that was stoned to death.  I can't imagine a more hideous death except my fear of drowning or burning to death.  Death is frightening thought even knowing I will get to be with Christ; I can't imagine a slow torture sort of thing. That just makes me cringe!

So, after posting an opinion on Facebook regarding the positions of President Obama and Governor Romney on immigration, I was accused of "throwing stones" and judging hearts. When I read the responses of a couple of my friends it hurt much deeper than I'm sure they know.  I'm one that loves a good debate.  I'm passionate about my beliefs and why I believe the way I do, but these accusations attacked my character -who I am in my inner heart and that was possibly more painful that getting hit by a stone myself.  

First let me say it is impossible NOT to judge others.  We judge people by their actions and what they say; we do it all the time.  If someone says they are a Christ follower, but their actions show otherwise, I'd likely judge by their actions that they are a hypocrite.  (gasp-I know!)  What I won't do, however, is say they are not a true Christian.  Only God knows that person's heart and whether or not they have truly accepted the gift of salvation. 
That's not for me to say.  That would be judging the heart and only God can do that. 
 

I've pondered my friends' comments for the past week wondering if I was wrong to post what I did.  I've prayed and asked God to help me figure out how to handle the hurt, asked Him to help show me if I was wrong, and I don't feel I did anything wrong.  The hardest thing is knowing I've hurt a friend and having a friend think I am trying to judge the hearts of others.  


It amazes me still that people who love the same God, sit in the same church, and listen to the same pastor can still have such different stances on things.  Both sides fighting for what they feel is politically or socially correct and trying to use the Bible as the foundation for their fight.  It is mind boggling really - something I may never understand!

I ask God to show me if I've done wrong, misspoken, or hurt anyone.  I trust He will tell me  and trust me, if I don't hear Him right away, He won't let me sleep at night so eventually, I will get the message!  I pray I am not a stone thrower because I've realized how much it hurts to get hit by them.  

 

Double Standard

After listening to the debate last night, something keeps rolling around in my  head that I just can't shake.  

When the topic of abortion came up, both candidates said what their personal beliefs are as well as what the platform stance is.  The thing that just rubbed me the wrong way, was the stance of the Democrats stating a woman has the right to choose and have control of her own body-under every circumstance.  I've heard that for years -it was nothing new, but in light of new legislation that keeps passing and being pushed by Democrats, it seems they have a big double standard.  

So, I have the right to choose to end a life, but did you know I (and you) have lost the right to purchase 100 watt incandescent light bulbs?  Well, technically you can still buy them if there are any on the shelves.  But, manufacturers have been outlawed from making them. Soon, we will not have the right to purchase a 75 watt light bulb or 60 watt, or 40 watt.  They are all going away.  We are being forced by legislation to eventually all purchase fluorescent bulbs or LED bulbs for our work or our homes.  It's okay if I kill a baby, but it's not okay for me to decide what kind of light bulb I want in my home.  Interesting this agenda is pushed by the same platform.  

This same platform is also pushing Obamacare.  I should have the right to choose whether or not I want insurance.  It is my personal choice, not the choice of the government.  And, if I am forced to purchase it, the only way it could be afforded individually is through the government program.  As a business, if I choose to grow and we have more than 50 full time employees, I will be forced -whether or not I can afford it -to purchase health care for my employees.  What's the incentive to grow?  In fact, I think many companies will reduce people to part time simply to avoid this fiasco.  Do I think health care is important?  Absolutely!  Do I think forcing people to purchase a good or service is right?  Absolutely not! In fact, I don't even want my tax dollars going to Planned Parenthood.  Government funded abortions sickens me. It goes against everything I believe in. What happened to liberty and freedom?   I have the right to life, but it's my choice as to the kind of life I want to have, do I not? 

Personally, I believe life begins at conception.  I believe abortion is wrong. Children are a blessing from the LORD!  But even if you put all of the principles of the Bible aside for just a moment, if we take a good look at our Declaration of Independence it states we have the right to Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness.  The right to life is not defined by age here.  Whether that life be at 4 weeks and not even known about yet, or that life be at 104 years of age.  We have the right to life. 

Government, it is not your job to take care of me.  It is not your job to tell me what good or service I have to buy whether it be a light bulb or insurance.  

Cut out the double standards.  Get back to our foundation -look at our Constitution. Either we are free people who value all life or we are not.  Personally I feel more and more bound every day. 

Cook Book

So, Dennis thinks I need to put together a Paleo cookbook with a conglomeration of recipes I've made up myself and stolen from Pinterest. 

hmmmmmm . . .. 

My Assignment

Well, I just got home from one of the best women's meetings our church has had in years.  I think there was a combination of things that culminated tonight to make it so phenomenal and it was just what I needed.  

Pastor Lisa spoke tonight on "Assignments" -what we are called to do.  And for the first time, that I have ever truly heard, she pointed out that what our assignment is, may not necessarily be our passion.  Some examples she gave from the Bible included Noah.  His assignment was to build an ark.  But do we know that woodworking was his passion?  What about Jonah?  He was called to go to Ninevah and he ran away from that assignment.  How about Mary?  Her assignment was to give birth to Jesus, but that probably wasn't what she was passionate about.  My guess is she wanted to plan a nice wedding, make a home for her and Joseph, and then think about having kids.  She probably wasn't terribly fond of the whispers behind her back about being pregnant out of wedlock, but it was her assignment.  

For years I have struggled with this.  I am passionate about  many things, but don't really feel God leading me in the direction of pursuing those things as far as a life-calling goes.  I keep telling God that I know there is something more for me than what I'm doing now.  And maybe there is, but right now, He has confirmed tonight that my assignment is to continue to help my husband build our business.  

Pastor Lisa asked who was counting on me to fulfill my assignment.  That really got to me.  In addition to my family, we have a team of employees that are counting on me - and most of those employees have families themselves -kids to feed, rent, gas for their car, clothing, etc. Not only do our employees (or team members as we prefer to call them) count of me to fulfill my assignment, but our business partner does too.  And that partner, has a family as well.  Our partner is a divine connection from God and I can't let that family down.  They took a chance on us, we are building something together, and I am a part of that.  I must fulfill my assignment!

I still think there is something else inside of me that God will use in an entirely different fashion. When the timing is right, it will come about when it is supposed to.  In the meantime, I will man my post and fulfill my assignment to the best of my ability.

I am committed to my assignment.  Are you?

Why are we here?

Black, brown, white. Conservative, liberal, independent. Straight, gay, bi. Make-up, au-natural. Pants, long dresses. Heavy metal, A Capella.  Wealthy, poor.  Dog lover, cat lover.  Employee, employer.  If you are a follower of Christ we need to walk in love. It doesn't mean we will all agree but we better get our crap together because we are all going to be in eternity together.

We are to love our neighbors as ourselves.  That doesn't mean we have to agree with everyone's lifestyle choices or political philosophies.   It does mean we need to walk together treating one another the way we would want to be treated.  We ought to be able to have civil, intellectual debates without getting ugly.  And if we can't, then we can agree to disagree in love or we will never win others to Christ. Isn't that why we are really here?

The Beauty of America

With all the Chick-fil-A hoopla I've gotten all riled up inside.  This deal really IS about free speech.  It is NOT about who is right and who is wrong regarding same sex marriage.  It is NOT about the "wicked" rich cramming their opinions down our throats.  We, the people, are much too smart for that, I hope.  Be gay.  Be straight.  Walk hand in hand with God.  Walk alone.  It's your choice.  We have the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.  Go -pursue your happiness, but why do we have to be so ugly about it? The double standards that this country has decided to embrace is hateful and downright embarrassing.  I am pretty sure the other nations of the world think we look like clowns as we crumble at the doings of our own hands. 

For some reason, this day and age, it's okay for Hollywood or Oprah or any other democratic leaning person/entity to voice a liberal opinion (which they are fully entitled to), and yet, now that a conservative Christian owner of a business voices his personal opinion it's UN-American and "hateful".  Since when has it not been okay, in America, to voice an opinion - even if it is different than your own?  Since when has it not been okay, in America, to donate money to programs you support?  Since when has it not been okay, in America, to have a peaceful demonstration to support or protest an ideal?  


The people that know me know I am a born again, follower of Jesus Christ.  I have family members that are as well.  I also have family members that are not.  But just because our beliefs are different doesn't mean we sling ugly words or call one another "haters."  I am entitled to my personal beliefs and opinions just like everyone else.  Yet, suddenly with this Chick-fil-A "controversy" I have been placed into a box labeled bigot, hater, and "rich bully" (even though I am far from rich when it comes to money) simply because my beliefs align with a man who stood up for his convictions.  


I admire people who stand up for their convictions - even if they are different than my own.  We have to stand for something or we will fall for anything.  (No, that's not an original saying)  But can't we stand on the Constitution and look at it with a keen eye into what this country really stands for and was founded on?  This country was founded on biblical principles, promoting personal freedoms. . . . period.  If you don't like that or disagree with those principles, that's okay.  You have the freedom to disagree and debate the issue.  You also have the freedom to leave so you don't have to live under the Constitution or you can choose to stay and deal with the fact that this country's foundation is different than your personal beliefs and then get in alignment.  It's your choice -that's the beauty of America!

We don't want your kind. . . .

You know, it seems that when I think I've got certain "demons" in my life under control, situations arise that allow that devilish nature of mine to bubble to the surface in a flasht.  I remember being in grade school and junior high having these people in my life that could make my blood boil.  It wouldn't take long for something they said to set me off and I'd lash out with words that were hurtful to them in order to try and ease my own pain.

I've grown up a lot since then and over the years have learned how to control my words and I work hard at being able to smooth over a situation that has the potential to be real thorn in my side.  I do pretty well most of the time, but tonight, I realized that sinful nature of wanting to say hurtful words because I've been hurt is still there.  I wonder if that ever really goes away?

I received a phone call tonight from a customer.  He called Dennis' cell phone, but Dennis was outside grilling burgers so I answered it.  The man on the other end said, "Hi.  I am looking for Dennis, but if you're his wife I'll talk to you" and then proceeded (without allowing me to even acknowledge whether or not I was his wife or if I had time to speak) to tell me of a situation regarding a personal belonging of his that one of our guys was replacing a battery in and our employee had broken a small piece of plastic in it and wanted to know what I was going to do about it because he wasn't leaving until he had an answer, he'd been done wrong before, he is a consultant and if it was his business he'd make it right, blah, blah, blah.  This went on for about 5 minutes before he even took a breath.  At this point all I had said was, "Hello".  

After he had finished his speech, I asked him what store he was in because we owned 3 of them.  He told me he was in C/S and was standing in the store as we spoke.  I assured this customer that if he left his broken product my husband or I would look at it to see what we could do.  He went on a rampage and assured me he would not leave his product and that I owed him a new one.  (I forgot to mention, this product had been worked on in a Batteries Plus store of another owner previously so we knew it wasn't brand new).  I again requested that the man leave the product so I could take a look at it on Monday.  He again refused and asked if we had a store in Houston.  I told him we had one in Katy and then he insisted I meet him in Katy this coming week after HE got off of work because he made $1300 an hour and wasn't missing work to take care of this.  

In my brain, I'm thinking there is no way on this planet that I am meeting a total stranger after hours and have to drive an hour and a half to do it when he is standing in a store of mine 10 minutes away.  I assured him I was not driving to Katy to meet him because that was not going to work with my schedule next week and again asked him to leave it in the College Station store, because we lived here, so we could handle it locally.  He told me not to lecture him about tight schedules because he had a daughter with cancer and I had no idea what his schedule was like.  

Now, I'm sorry about his daughter.  It saddens me that anyone has to walk through cancer.  But, I still wasn't driving an hour and a half when he was currently 10 minutes away and he lives in Bryan.  (I didn't tell him this, but I had committed to VBS every night next week, am opening a new store 2 hours away, have 3 kids at home, and am still trying to do my job up here in C/S.  He wouldn't have cared even if I had told him, but I wasn't lying when I said it wouldn't work with my schedule.)  Anyway, when he realized I wasn't going to buy him a brand new product to replace his very used old product nor was I going to drive to meet him, he said, "I have a JD and I'm not afraid to use it."  I said, "You are not going to threaten me!" Although I had no idea what a JD was!   He said, "I didn't threaten you."  At this point, I told him I was finished talking to him and he would have to talk with my husband.  I went and got Dennis to take over before I drove to the store and took the guy down with those aforementioned words that were about to boil over.  

(On a side note, the employee helping this guy never denied breaking his product.  He fully owned it and said we'd take care of it.  It wasn't like he was trying to hide something or get out of something.  He was honest and had integrity through the whole thing.  Totally was proud of him.)  

Dennis got on the phone and the guy talked his ear off again for about 5 minutes without taking a breath.  When Dennis had a turn to talk, he finally got the guy to agree to leave the stupid product so we could either fix it, send it off to be fixed, or replace it with a refurb.  At this point my blood pressure was through the roof, I was shaking, and crying.  That old nature of wanting to say words that were hateful and hurtful was so high up in my throat I almost let them loose.  I'm glad I didn't, but boy did I want to. It was one of those moments where you've had just enough time to process that you think of all these great comebacks to what was said. 

Later, as I was going over everything in my brain for about the 14th time, I decided to look up what a JD was on the internet to see what he had really threatened me with.  Did you know it means Juris Doctor (ie - law degree).  So, basically he threatened to sue me for not fixing his old product that was worth about $65.  Seriously, he makes $1300 an hour and is going to sue me for $65.  Some things just don't compute in my brain.  This guy was on some weird ego trip.  The fact that he had to mention how much he made, what his degree was in, and give me a sob story to try and guilt me into doing what he thought was right is just pathetic.  I am a reasonable person and if we screw up, I'm all about making it right.  That's how we roll. 

Anyway, Dennis said when the dude comes to pick up his product, Dennis will be there to assure everything is good and the customer is happy.  Once he's happy, Dennis will assure him he better never threaten me or any of our employees.  

It takes all kinds to make the world go round.  This kind can stay away from my team and out of my store.  That kind isn't welcome.  

Visioneering - a title I stole from Andy Stanley

Well, it's been awhile since I've picked up a book that has really challenged me.  When I say "awhile" - I mean a couple of months.  My daughter got me hooked on the Left Behind series again.  She was reading them for school and wanted me to read along with her so if she had questions we could discuss it.  By the way - I LOVE that!  My oldest is 13 and she loves to discuss things with me.  Not your typical teenager - I am a blessed woman!

Anyhoo - I've recently picked up the book Visioneering, by Andy Stanley and OMGoodness it is getting in my business.  I've been in this mode recently of who am I and why am I here.  This mentality has been with me for awhile and the longer I stay here, the more pitiful I feel.  People like to be needed, useful, and feel like they are making a difference in their world.  The last thing I want to do is simply go through the motions of existing.  Do I think that's what I'm doing? No, not if I take a good look at where I am and what's going on in my world.  

I help my husband run a successful business, I am raising 3 kids, recently I have become master chef in my house due to Caleb's Type 1 diabetes diagnosis.  Our daily menu has changed dramatically and we don't just pick a box of mac & cheese off the shelf for dinner anymore.  It is time consuming, waring, and a pain in my butt, never-the-less it has a definite purpose in helping keep my kiddo(s) and my husband and I healthy.

Why it is difficult for me to see vision and purpose in these tasks?  I don't have any clue!  I think God gives each of us things to do while we are here to prepare us.  Prepare us for eternity and even greater things here on the planet.  I'd like to think I'm in a preparation stage for something more.  Sometimes I feel like I'm being ungrateful or selfish in wanting my life to be a bigger impact than doing the aforementioned things for my family.  Then again, I know deep inside there is something more for me.  I can't explain it - I just know it's there.  And, at the appointed time, it (whatever "it" is) will have an opportunity to shine.  

I learned in the book that I have to LOOK for opportunities.  I wonder if I've missed some along the way because I wasn't really looking for new opportunities.  Who knows, but I can't look back.  I move forward with my eyes open and my heart in prayer, believing that God will show me what He has for me and when this time of preparation is through, He'll have me ready to take on whatever it is He has called me to do.  

In the meantime, I move on with purpose, knowing that I am armor bearer to my husband and master chef, nutritionist, and mama to my kids.  .  .  and THAT is important!

Restoration in Progress

Well, if you think I'm talking about a spiritual restoration in progress, you'd be wrong - this time.  Two weeks ago we returned from Nebraska and brought along with us my Dad's old 1971 Corvette.  The story goes that he bought it in 1971- brand new shortly before my parents found out they were expecting me.  It was their sole car for awhile and I actually remember riding in the back of that thing.  (NO - there isn't a back seat!)  I would sit in the compartment behind the seats and just chill.  I'm guessing this is before car seats were mandatory and the world needed the government to tell people how to keep their kids safe.  And look - I survived, but I digress . . . . 

Anyway, when my brother was born I was 3 1/2 years old.  At that point in my life I decided I was now a big sister and deserved to have the keys to the car.  So, I asked my dad for the keys!  Talk about getting a head start!  My brother never stood a chance - the corvette was claimed early!  (Don't worry - he is getting dad's old drag racing car which is TOTALLY cool!)  

Dennis and I have been "piddling" with cleaning parts and repainting minor things (the engine, inside of the hood, etc).  We need to rebuild the carburetor, get a new mufflers, gas tank, and radiator.  Probably about $1000 investment - which isn't bad for an original, numbers matching 1971 Corvette to get her running.  She won't be pristine as she needs a new paint job, but it will be fun to ride in it again, but this time in the driver's seat rather than behind the driver's seat!  

Isn't a car restoration a lot like what we do daily in our walk with Christ?  Sometimes we just need to clean up a few things in our lives, other times we need to totally replace things (resentment, anger, ways of thinking).  The list goes on.  

I know, I started off not being spiritual, but I couldn't help it by the time I got to the end.  When God shows you something, sometimes you just have to write it down so you don't forget.  

God, continue to restore me day by day as I walk with you.  Help me clean up certain areas of my life that are not quite where you want them and help uproot the things that need to totally be redone and replaced.  

Thank you for loving me even though my spirit isn't as pristine as I'm sure You'd like!
 

A Fast to Start 2012

I had a feeling about a month ago that maybe I should start 2012 out with a fast to help me refocus and reconnect with God and what He has for me for this coming year.  That was confirmed through our Pastor the following week when he announced our annual 21 day fast had been moved from Easter time up to January 9th - 31st.  .  .  .  I love confirmation from God!  (Not that I need confirmation to fast, but I am excited because I feel like God really has something for me because of this confirmation.)

I don't really know what my future holds, but I do know Who holds my future.  

God, I am asking that You reveal more of Yourself to me, that I may see a glimpse of Your face and get to know You more.  I am also asking for You to reveal Your plan and purpose in my life.  Show me if what I am doing through my work is all that you have for me or if there is more.  Show me what I am supposed to be doing to help build Your house and minister in Your house.  I don't want to miss Your calling and Your plan.  Open my eyes and my heart to what You have for me.  In Jesus name, Amen!