Thankfulness . . . .

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving Day 2011.  What would have been my parent's 44th wedding anniversary was yesterday.  Today I spent the day in the kitchen cooking my Dad's Cajun Dressing - the house still has that smell of onions, celery, and green pepper sauteing, and it will for probably another 24 hours!  

David came up today with Colton and Makenzie and we cooked, went to lunch, and played at the park.  I love my brother and his family!  It amazes me the way some families just don't get along very well because David and I always have.  We are very close and I pray it always remains that way.  I can't imagine going through life with strife between us - it just shouldn't be that way!

I am thankful this Thanksgiving Eve for my brother - his love, his friendship, his silliness, and his support.  I love his family and the joy they bring to my life.  I am thankful for parents who loved me and raised me with integrity, manners, and a good work ethic.  I am thankful for my 3 kids - who although argue often, still love each other and are healthy.  Yes, Caleb has diabetes, but I am thankful he is here, on the planet, in my home, with all of his mental and physical capabilities.  I have friends who can't say that.  I am thankful for my husband, Dennis.  Yes, he drives me insane sometimes, but I know he loves me unconditionally.  I look at my past and realize where we've been as a couple - what we've walked through and how amazing it is we are still together.  I couldn't have found a more committed man - committed to me and to Christ.  What more could a girl ask for?  

Thank you, Jesus for the gift of salvation.  Without You, all the above is meaningless and without purpose.  But because of You my entire family has the hope of eternity together and that is a blessing that words cannot even begin to convey. Help us all see You in our daily lives.  Show us where You are leading us, clearly define our purpose here on the planet, and help us unite with a common vision.  

Happy Thanksgiving to all!

Who we are is not what we do . . . .

It's weird being in a place in my life where I am not involved in ministry.  Since I resigned from Children's Ministry I've been instructed not to jump into anything and just sit and be refreshed for awhile.  Many who serve/volunteer on a regular basis would think that an incredible opportunity, but honestly I am struggling with it.  I feel as if I am wandering around my church, lost, not exactly sure where I fit in anymore.  I've lost my title and in that it's almost as if I've lost my identity.  

Leading in Children's Ministry shouldn't have defined who I am, but I think it did and I guess I need to work myself out of that mindset, because now I am looking for where I fit and the next definition of who I am so I can find my identity again.  Now, I'm not always the sharpest crayon in the box, but I know enough to know that my title/position isn't who I am - it may be a part of what I do, but it's not who I am.  So, that made me ask myself who I really am.  All i came up with was titles - mom, wife, business owner, church member, friend, etc.  How do we get out of the place where who we are is not what we do?  I'm not sure I can even begin to answer that for myself.  

I know Whose I am, but who am I really and how do I define that without titles?  If you know the answer to this, I'm listening! 

Let it go . . . .

"Let it go. . . ." these are the words I feel God spoke to me about a week ago regarding Children's Ministry.  I've been in Children's Ministry at Covenant Family Church for about 12 years - just after Rebekah was born and she'll be 13 in 4 months. 

I began this journey in the infant room with Rebekah.  I felt if I had a child in Children's ministry, I ought to invest in my daughter by investing in the ministry.  I wasn't in a classroom long, as it wasn't really for me, but I quickly switched to the check-in counter.  I could sign the kids in, interact with the parents, love on the kiddos and send them on their way.  I loved these kids, but I was in a pretty bad place emotionally and being in a classroom was a bad thing for the kids and for me.  The check in counter was a perfect fit for where I was.  

I don't even know how long I did that and was promoted to Service Coordinator.  ie the person who was the ultimate voice for Children's Ministry should anything go down during service.  I made sure classrooms had supplies, teachers, and if there were any issues that needed settled regarding a child's behavior, a kid getting hurt, or a parent simply having challenges with the way we did things, I was one of the ones to handle the situation.  

After doing that awhile, I got another promotion to Early Childhood Director.  I think it seemed like a natural fit since I helped my best friend run a daycare.  If I could do that, i ought to be able to run this ministry.  I've lost count on the years I've done this as well.  It never really mattered, I just knew it was where I belonged.  

Well, the time has come for me to step down from this area of ministry.  It seems like it's hard to keep committed people in children's ministry and now I am becoming the one to jump off the boat.  I've hung in there during challening times when I didn't want to be there, but didn't feel released to leave by God or by my church.  I am certain now that God is moving me in a new direction, although I don't know what that is yet.  I am learning thought, that sometimes we have to take the step before God parts the sea.  I think this is one of those times.  

I'm not sure where I'm headed, but I think I'm ready for a change and a  new challenge.  I've emailed my leader to set up a meeting with her to formally resign.  It will be tough, but I know if I stay in the wrong place I am hindering the ministry more than I am helping.  

Letting Go . . .  

Miracle Herb?

About a month ago, a friend of mine and I were working out and we were discussing how Caleb was doing regarding handling and managing his diabetes.  Things had been as good as could be expected - no complications which we are eternally grateful for.  Then she mentioned having watched a guest on the 700 Club by the name of Suzy Cohen and a book she had written titled, Diabetes without Drugs. The title intrigued me, but I figured it had to do specifically with Type 2 Diabetes rather than Type 1 and I know with proper diet and exercise Type 2 Diabetes can be managed and even reversed.  Type 1 is for life. . . . or so I thought.


At first I didn't think much about the mention of the book, but after about 3 days I just couldn't get it off my mind.  So, I got on the internet and watched the 700 Club interview.  It was intriguing, but Suzy didn't mention either Type 1 or Type 2 - she just said "diabetes".  She discussed a wide variety of supplements and dietary changes.  Many of the supplements I'd heard of, but a few I hadn't.  One, however really intrigued me.  It is called Gymnema Sylvestre.  What Suzy mentioned about this herbal supplement is that it has been shown to reverse Beta Cell damage - which is exactly what Dennis and I have been believing for in Caleb's pancreas.  With Type 1 Diabetes, Beta Cells are destroyed and the pancreas ceases to work properly and eventually quits working all together.  


I immediately downloaded the book to Dennis' Kindle and began reading.  What I've learned is astonishing and there is way too much information to even touch the surface of what Suzy uncovers regarding the possible causes of Type 1 and Type 2 Diabetes along with the incredible potential to reverse even Type 1.  We began Caleb on Vitamin E, Vitamin D, and the Gymnema Sylvestre immediately - thankfully he can swallow a pill!  After two weeks, Caleb's blood sugar numbers began to be low - a sign that less insulin was being needed.  We were believing that the supplements were helping.  The following week, his numbers went back around where they had been, but now again, the past 3 days his blood sugar numbers are lowering and he is needing less insulin.  


Dennis and I are believing for a full healing in Caleb and thank God for the comment made by my dear friend and for the wisdom we are finding in this book.  Our prayer is that Caleb's Type 1 will be completely reversed and that the need for insulin injections will eventually not be needed at all.  We are thankful that Caleb is still in the "honeymoon" phase of his diabetes, which means his pancreas is still functioning a little bit so complete damage has not happened - and we are believing it won't.  


Lord, we thank you for wisdom and friends and the knowledge you share with us.  I pray that through the information you've shown us that Caleb's pancreas will be healed and fully restored to it's full capacity.  All damaged cells will be healed and that they will be replaced with healthy cells.  

We thank you in advance for Caleb's healing!

I miss my dad

In honor of my Dad with his birthday, pending tomorrow I thought I'd write a few things I remember doing with him that made me smile. . . . Dad, you would have been 69 this year.  I sure do miss you. 

1.  "working" in the garage with you
2.  playing "horse" in the driveway
3.  learning how to cook with whatever's in the fridge
4.  throwing a frisbee (Although I was not very good) in the back yard.
5.  you telling me I threw a football like a pro when I was about 7
6.  sanding on that old Nomad
7.  slicing my fingers with a chisel after you told me to be careful
8.  You following me to all of my gymnastics meets and bowling tournaments
9.  standing rather than sitting to watch either of the above events (I do this too by the way!)
10.  taking a sip of your ice cold, salted beer after you'd mowed the lawn
11.  teaching me how to fish
12.  you had the same crooked finger point, just like Grama Weddel
13.  teaching me to love math
14.  teaching me an appreciation for old cars - especially those muscle cars.  One day I'm going to own a '69 Camaro - you hide and watch!
15.  Only forcing me to eat watermelon once - nope, I still don't like it!
16.  Asking for the keys to the corvette when David was born (I don't actually remember this, but I know it happend!)
17.  Going to swap meets
18.  Going to work with you and taking that backgammon game with me so it looked like I was carrying a briefcase just like you.
19.  playing cribbage
20.  taking walks around the block

There are a million more, but I will save them for next year's tribute. 

Love you, DAD!

A thought outside of the box

It has always infuriated me when people who call themselves Christians act the polar opposite of any way Jesus himself would have acted.  Yes, we all know, he is the perfect one, but seriously, there are some sins that have premeditation.  Take for example the "christian" who bombs an abortion clinic.  Do I think abortions go against the standards set in the bible?  Absolutley!  But, I also believe that bombing an abortion clinic does as well.  Take the priest, pastor, bishop, etc that abuses a child.  That goes against biblical teachings as well.  Such extremists or people who really aren't Christians, but call themselves that put such a warped, tainted view of Christianity that we all get a bad wrap.  These scenarios have bothered me for years, and just recently I read a book that put my thoughts into something easy to articulate and accept.  Please see below:


"In a recent radio interview I was sternly asked by the host, who did not consider himself a Christian, to defend Christianity. I told him that I couldn't do it, and moreover, that I didn't want to defend the term. He asked me if I was a Christian, and I told him yes. 'Then why don't you want to defend Chrisitianity?' he asked, confused. I told him I no longer knew what the term meant. Of the hundreds of thousands of people listening to his show that day, some of them had terrible experiences with Christianity; they may have been yelled at by a teacher in a Christian school, abused by a minister, or browbeaten by a Christian parent. To them, the term Christianity meant something that no Christian I know would defend. By fortifying the term, I am only making them more and more angry. I won't do it. Stop ten people on the street and ask them what they think of when they hear the word Christianity and they will give you ten different answers. How can I defend a term that means ten different things to ten different people? I told the radio show host that I would rather talk about Jesus and how I came to believe that Jesus exists and that he likes me. The host looked back at me with tears in his eyes. When we were done, he asked me if we could go get lunch together. He told me how much he didn't like Christianity but how he had always wanted to believe Jesus was the Son of God."  Blue Like Jazz,  by Donald Miller - page 115

I'm Diving In . . . . . . again!

I'm diving in to the book arena again.  A little over a year ago, I wrote a children's book and haven't ever attempted to get it published.  I really want a publisher to pay me for my book rather than me pay the publisher this time.  Maybe that sounds greedy - but that's ok.  I just don't want to go into debt again getting my book published.  :)  

We'll see what happens!  I know nothing will happen if I don't try, so here I go again!  

Splash - did you hear me jump with both feet?!

ARGUING WITH IDIOTS

Yes - I realize I've stolen this title from a Glen Beck book, but that's exactly what I've been doing today - arguing with idiot mentality. 

So, I went on a trip to Haiti to explore a few orphanages that our church wants to "adopt".  By adopt, we mean support with food, train & educate them to be self-sufficient, share the gospel, etc.  Missions isn't exactly something that I've been a big proponent of, simply because I'm not into welfaring people.  I believe in a "help up" not a hand out and previously, this is how I've viewed mission work. 

So, in returning from my trip I am pretty stoked about the orphanage we've chosen as my paradigm has shifted after listening to the CEO of C3 Global - the organization that is partnering churches with orphanages, and listening to the pastor at this specific orphanage.  The pastor there is a visionary who is totally living by faith.  And by that, I don't mean, waiting for money to drop on his doorstep.  He has a plan, he is working the plan, and asking God to lead the way.  His orphanage currently has 56 boys whom he is pouring life into.  However, he is actively building a facility that will house 120 so he never has to turn anyone away.  He is teaching these boys integrity, character, the gospel, and a work ethic.  They go to school and a couple of them are in university.  I'm proud of this man and I'm proud of these boys.  He is doing extraordinary things in an unconventional way that the Haitian people are not used to.  He has the potential to change a generation, one boy at a time.  And, now our church has the opportunity to partner with him to catapult his program to a higher level. 

Now, that I've finally stretched myself and opened my eyes to what really is going on with the organization we are partnering with, I have a certain family member basically telling me we are dumb and using our money unwisely - like purchasing the lottery tickets he bought me for Christmas were a fabulous investment!  Which, by the way, only turned into a pile of trash.  Nice gift! 

Yes, I'm a angry and my sarcasm rages, so I apologize.  Bottom line, don't judge what other people are doing when you don't have all the facts - especially when you don't even give a rip what the facts really are.  Shut your yap and do what God is asking YOU to do.  Don't criticize what He is calling others to do. 

I've said my peice, now I'll shut my yap!

Jumpin' off in it!

Well, I've contacted a potential illustrator and handed my children's book off to a friend for editting to get it in the best possible shape to submit to potential publishers.  In the back of my head I hear the enemy telling me I'm stupid to think this could really get published, but I know God has told me to move forward with this project and to continue writing. 

I learned in Bible study the other day that the enemy tears you down in genralities, but that the Lord will correct you and encourage you in specific ways.  If you are ever wondering if it's God or the enemy, think about how specific or general the thought or comment is. 

I know I'm not stupid to reach for a goal - it may never come to fruition, but I have to do my part and leave the rest in God's hands.  I continue to walk forward hoping to hear more from my God and hope that He will trust me with more revelation from Him. 

Lead me on, Lord - I am trying to follow the best I know how.  .  . 

Answers

I love it when God speaks through my kiddos! Two posts ago I wrote about wandering and not knowing what to do about my next book. Well, I wrote (quite awhile ago) a children's story that has been sitting in my computer and at the back of my mind. Yesterday afternoon, out of the blue, Caleb says, "Mama, when are you going to get that book, ___________________ published?" (I'm keeping the title secret for now). It was the children's story I had written. So, I am taking that as a sign from God that publishing that bad boy is my next project. The Children's Book industry is said to be pretty brutal and tough to get into so I am doing some beginning research trying to figure out what direction to go. I am praying for wisdom and favor for this project as I am lost as a mud duck! Thank you God for speaking and I am believing for cool things to come from this project.

Apologies

Have you ever had to apologize for something that you really didn't feel you owed an apology for? That may sound weird, but I remember growing up my dad telling me about "guilt by association." That pretty much meant if I chose to hang with a crowd that was doing wrong - even if I chose not to participate in whatever it was they were doing - that I was guilty just the same. There was one time I remember having to apologize for just being with the wrong people at the wrong time even though I hadn't done what the rest of the crowd was doing. I pretty much decided from that point on I was not going to make that mistake again. It was hard to apologize, but it made a distinct impression I haven't forgotten.

So, you might wonder, what it is I've done (or not done) that I am now aplogizing for. Well, it wasn't for hanging with the wrong crowd or being in the wrong place at the wrong time. This time it is for words I spoke that were misunderstood and taken completely wrong. The person on the receiving end of my words interrupted a sentence and then took what I said out of context. She then proceeded to verbally tear me apart and pretty much tell me how bad I suck. Not exactly what every person wants to hear!

This conversation has been bothering me for over a week. I've been hurt. I'm angry. I pretty much want to rip this person's head off and then use it as a soccer ball. . . . . but then that wouldn't be the Christ like thing to do now, would it? ;)

Instead, God had me write this person a letter today apologizing for my lack of communication skills and for hurting her feelings. Did I say anything wrong in our initial conversation? I honestly don't think so. However, God has lead me to write this letter and I am trusting it will heal the unintended wound I gave this person. In turn, I am also trusting that God will use this process to heal my hurt heart so I don't hold a grudge against this person. I'm pretty good at carrying a grudge. Sometimes I can carry it so long, I forget why I have the grudge. Now that's BAD! I don't mean to carry the grudges around. I honestly try to let most of it roll off my shoulders, but what really ends up happening is I usually brush it under the rug, but the problem is that it (whatever it is) is still really there. It's just hiding under the surface waiting to be released at the next deep cleaning.

I know if I hadn't addressed the issue that I had with this person, the dirt under the rug would have come out again later on down the road. Ignoring an issue is sometimes an ok way to deal with things. Other times, the issue needs to be addressed so we can move forward.

So today, I apologized to someone who has hurt me deeply. Will this person accept the apology? I don't know. That's between her and God now. I've done my part and pray that God will continue healing my hurt and allow my act of forgiveness to become a true feeling of forgiveness. Right now my forgiveness is a verbal choice with no emotion involved what so ever.

Faithin' it 'til I make it!

Lara

Wandering . . . .

I know I am supposed to write another book. But, just like God, He isn't working in me the same way twice. I am having the hardest time pulling my thoughts together! I think I have a topic and then I start writing only to find myself "wandering off" in a different direction. So, then I think, hmmmmm, maybe I'm supposed to write about _____________. So I give that a shot and then end up wandering again.

I sure hope all this wandering on the pages comes together in some orderly fashion! I feel like the Israelites wandering through the dessert. I know the Promised Land is just over the hill, but instead I keep going in circles like a dog chasing its tail!

What to do . . . . What to do!

Our New Normal . . . . .

What is normal? It is so many different things to different people. Have you ever been over to someone's house for dinner and they are eating something you've never even dreamed of purchasing at the store, much less cooking into a meal? Or maybe they made something you are familiar with, but when you cook it, you do it just slightly different. What is a normal way of cooking a specific dish or what is normal food to one person, may be completely abnormal to another.

My version of normal in my home is - send the kids to school, go to work, come home to be with the kiddos in the afternoon, work out a couple days a week, Lifegroup ever other week, an occassional sporting event, church every Sunday, dinner as a family every night . . . .

Well, my normal has been interrupted and now, in the midst of all that we are checking blood sugar levels, counting carbs, calculating insulin dosages, and switching out some of our "normal" foods with our "new normal" foods, and praying with all the belief we can muster that God is going to perform a miracle so we can go back to our "old normal."

I am a blessed woman. I have a husband who loves me and three beautiful children, who despite their incessant bickering, are really good kids. My oldest loves to read and play basketball. My youngest is a fireball who keeps us laughing and not taking life too seriously. And my son (who falls in the middle) loves God's creation and enjoys making his own creations, or as he calls them, "projects." I wonder when God created the world if He considered it a project? I guess we humans are a constant project being worked on, aren't we?!

Well, I think our "new normal" is a reflection of a project God is working on in the Norris household. I'm not sure exactly what the lesson of this project is, but I am hoping we all learn it, and learn it quickly. I don't want to have to round any more "tragedy" mountains in order to be able to say, "lesson learned!"

God, I'm trusting You to speak clearly to me. I'm working dilligently to be still and hear your voice. I know it's sad that I have to work on being still, but it's how you made me, so I'm learning that one constantly! My efforts to help Caleb are in vain if You aren't involved, leading the way. Let us all, especially Caleb, see Your mighty hand in all of this, knowing that "everything works together for good for those who love the Lord. "

To Lara, Love God . . . . .

God gave me this scripture during a week of fasting regarding my place in the Children's Ministry. I felt He was telling me to hold on - it was all going to be ok, and not to give up. Little did I know that less than a week later it would mean even so much more.

On Monday, January 31st, 2011, my dear son, Caleb was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. On Thursday, February 3rd, God reminded me of what He had showed me just a week prior. This is His love note to me . . . .

"I remember it all -oh, how well I remember - the feeling of hitting the bottom. But there's one other thing I remember, and remembering, I keep a grip on hope;

God's loyal love couldn't have run out, His merciful love couldn't have dried up. They're created new every morning. How great Your faithfulness! I'm sticking with God (I say it over and over). He's all I've got left.

God proves to be good to the man who passionatley waits, to the woman who diligently seeks. It's a good thing to quietly hope, quietly hope for help from God. It's a good thing when you're young to stick it out through the hard times.

When life is heavy and hard to take, go off by yourself. Enter the silence. Bow in prayer. Don't ask questions: Wait for HOPE to appear!" Lamentations 3:20-30

Lord, I am waiting for hope and I won't question Your sovereignty. I am believing for a miraculous healing in Caleb. War has been waged on my family by the enemy, but we won't back down. We are on the offensive, with You leading the march. Our heads are held high with our hope safely in Your hands.

I take it back . . . .

I take it all back - my complaining of the 3 weeks in a row with sick kids. I take it ALL back. Our family was hit with a landmine yesterday-the diagnosis of Caleb with Type 1 Diabetes. He's 10. God, did you hear me? He's only 10-no kid should have to deal with this! I have all these emotions raging through me - fear, rage, worry - you name it, I'm feelin' it right now. Most of the words I want to say would be inappropriate, but I'm sure everyone has thought of a few choice words now and then. Surely I'm not alone!

So, let me backtrack. . . About 3 weeks ago when Caleb was sick, he had a virus. No flu; no strep; just a virus. He's been over it - no big deal. Well, the past 4 or 5 days Caleb has had excessive thirst. I didn't think a thing of it at first, but one night this past weekend I was reminded of a conversation about a toddler at the preschool I used to work for, who was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. She was suddenly excessively thirsty. My heart sank. I told Dennis that night we needed to get Caleb seen by a doctor. I didn't realize I should have probably done it immediately, but God's grace was sufficient and yesterday at 2:00 we were seen by our family practitioner.

Caleb did a "pee in the cup" test - which by the way he thought was hilarious! He'd never peed in a cup before. The results showed up with a lot of sugar in his urine, so then they did the finger poke. The result was "HI" which according to the meter means over 600. A normal level for sugars is 90-150 . . . Caleb was off the chart. The doctor looked at me and said, "this is not good." I knew. I knew before I took him in. God knew - that's why He reminded me of that conversation about my friend's child.

Based on the conversations I've had with the doctors, Caleb should have been in the Emergency Room. His numbers were off the charts, but he was remarkably well for as bad a shape as he was in. But, instead of the ER, favor abounded and we immediately headed to an endocrynologist who worked us into their schedule. They were fabulous! Both the doctor and nurse were Type 1 and had learned to deal with this since the 80's. We were handed glucose meters, needles, 2 different types of insulin shots, brochures . . . my head was spinning, Caleb was crying. It was awful, but through the awfulness, God's grace abounds!

When people say your life can change in an instant - they are right. I knew this, but having experienced, gives me a whole new perspective on situations my friends have gone through. I walked around in circles this morning trying to figure out what to do with myself. I'd gotten almost no sleep. The girls needed to get ready for school. Was I going to work or staying home? What to wear? Is Caleb going to school or are we going to monitor him? A cold front coming through, does everyone have jackets? Dennis is needing to get the truck to work for deliveries. Did the kids get their vitamins? Is Caleb ok? What's his blood sugar? Can he eat this? ??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

My stomach still turns when I look at Caleb and see hurt in his eyes. He does NOT want this. He's old enough to know how life was before, but not quite old enough to heave a big sigh and just move on. As his doctor says, "shots suck!" I feel the same way - this really sucks!

However, as bad as this sucks, I know it could be worse. I have a dear friend who lost her daughter to a virus that attacked her heart. I have another friend whose daughter had a brain tumor. She's survived, but she will never be the same as she was before. I am reminding myself to count my blessings, as they are many. My son is a blessing and I am grateful he is still here with us. We walk on a little bruised, but we are not defeated. We raise our eyes to the One who knows exactly how we feel and reach for His hand as we move forward.

Blah . . . .

Blah. . . . . .

It has been about 3 weeks of sickness and doctor visits w/ the kiddos. Completely out of the norm for us! I am blessed as are my husband and kids with very little sickness and strong immune systems.

Since January hit, though, we have been hammered! Just after Christmas Rachel complained of an "ant bite". Being the all-knowing mama that I am, I told her to put some itch cream on it and went about my business. She complained off and on for about 3 days and then she actually showed me what she was talking about. This was more than an "ant bite" this was a full blown rash on both arms and both legs. UGH!

Off to the doctor and he said it was an allergic reaction to something, although it was hard to tell what. Steroids from Walgreens and off we went. A week later, it was no better and in fact spreading. YIKES! Back to the doctor. He then decided it looked like poison ivy or poison oak. More and stronger steroids and an antiobiotic so her scratching didn't get infected.

In the mean time, Rebekah got a stomach virus that had her doubled over every time she ate. Only puked once, but was in pain for almost a week. Thankfully no one else got it!

Caleb came home Friday w/ fever and sore throat. Off to Urgent care because it was after 5. No strep. No flu. Just the funk. By Monday he was better and went to school today. However, Rachel woke up with a sore throat and cough. She's doing better than Caleb did - no fever so hopefully will be at school tomorrow.

Thank you Lord for a healthy home! We are excited to be on the other side of this trial. Heal my kids and protect my family in Jesus Name! Amen!

It's Time. . . .

Well, it's the start of 2011 and I feel changes in the wind, though I'm not sure exactly what they are. I've been struggling in Children's Ministry for over a year now and it's time to let someone know. I've been doing this for 12 years now and one of the main things I've learned is that when you're in leadership if you look behind you and no one is following, then you are simply talking a walk . . . . you aren't leading anything. That's how I feel right now - I feel like I'm taking a long, lonely walk and it's time to let my leadership know. Because if I'm taking a walk, I am either 1. not leading effectively or 2. attempting to lead in the wrong area. Either way, it's time for a conversation to help me see what needs to be done. I want 2011 to be an effective year for the Children's ministry in our church and if that means a change for me in my leadership skills or moving me out of the way so someone with the proper skills can take over, I'm game for whatever. There's a little fear of the "whatever" because I'm a planner, but I've jumped into the deep end of the pool with God before and He hasn't let me sink yet! Here's to a great year! (splash!)


About 20 min's after I posted, I saw this from a friend on FB: "Out of our greatest rejection comes our greatest direction. When you come to a closed door, or something doesn't work out in your life, instead of seeing that as the end, regard that as God nudging you into a better direction. Yes, sometimes it's uncomfortable; sometimes we may not like it. But we cannot make the mistake of just sitting back & settling where we are." By Joel Osteen

His Chains are Gone . . .

It was Tuesday, September 28th at 6:15 AM - my phone rang, just as it had in my dreams a couple weeks earlier. It was my mom on the other end. . . . "Your Dad died" she managed to choke out those words. In that one moment I felt grief, confusion, and relief. Chris Tomlin's version of Amazing Grace immediately began playing in my head. . . . "My chains are gone, I've been set free. . . ." Those were the only words rolling through my mind. It was like I was stuck on that one sentence and couldn't get to the rest of the song.

Being stuck on that one sentence stayed with me throughout the day. This is where the relief part of my emotions came in to play. You see, my Dad's body had literally become a cage to him. His movement was limited. His mental capacity and grasp of reality was fading only to be replaced by hallucinations and irrational thoughts that mirrored the unsaved, old nature of my Dad. He was literally a prisoner inside his own body and only God Himself could release him. And release him, He did.

I began to think of all the things I had to do. We obviously would have to be heading to Nebraska within a day. Kids had to be told, but still needed to get up and get ready for school - I would wait to tell them until they got home. I pulled myself together enough to get them off to school. Then I had to get myself ready for work so I could get a week's worth of stuff done in a few hours, head to the grocery store for road trip food, do laundry and pack.

I was either numb or in denial - I think maybe I still am, though I'm not really sure. I honestly felt nothing. That sounds so callous, but it's the raw truth. I truly believe I greived the loss of my Dad back in February when he went into the nursing home. At that point I realized he was gone. He still knew who I was for the most part, but he was no longer in his home, he was all alone, and picturing him in a nursing home hurt so deeply. I know it was what he needed and it was he best choice as far as his medical care went, but that didn't help with the emotional loss of my Dad - although he was still here, we were at a point of no return and I knew it. I remember that February day - sitting on the bathroom floor sobbing like I never had before. My eyes were almost swollen shut and Dennis stared at me like I was from another planet. He'd never seen me like that either and I think it frightened him. He didn't know what to do - there was nothing he could do. This couldn't be fixed.

Back to September 28th - the grief I felt in February had mostly passed - as much as grief ever "passes". I was at the relief point. No more suffering for my dad. No more financial questions or worries about medical stuff for my mom to deal with. No more emotional roller coasters regarding Dad's care. Only freedom. Freedom from his cage - freedom from worrying about him - my Dad was truly free and with Christ. (sigh)

Dad's funeral was the first funeral my kids had ever been to. Rebekah struggled terribly as I knew she would. Rachel wondered if Grampa was just sleeping. Caleb didn't say much - he just looked around at everyone and took it all in. The song sung at Dad's funeral - Amazing Grace. It was his favorite. The shirt he wore - "I'm the wretch the song refers to." It too, was his favorite.

One thing I realized after it was all over is that my family was being watched. One of my brother's best friends said, "I've never watched a Christian family grieve." It hit me - I guess that Christians would certainly grieve differently than those that had no hope in Christ. Then I began to reflect on all the people that were there, watching and listening. The men in my Dad's life that had known him in his "sinner" days and loved him dearly, but were here NOW for the Pastor's testimony of my Dad's "saved" days and the transformation that had taken place in his heart. I stood in awe at the events that took place and the people's lives that I do believe were truly touched by Dad's testimony, for in his death God did a mighty work of seed planting into the lives of these people. I do believe with everything in me, that a harvest will come and these men who may still be in their "sinner" days, will soon come to fulfill the rest of their lives in their "saved" days.

It's a remarkable thing to be able to grieve with hope, for without it, I'm not sure how I would have handled Dad's death. God is good and Dad's chains are gone, never to be bound again.

I may write more later as there are many more details I've left out, but for now, i think you get the point.