Struggling . . . .

I got word yesterday that my Dad is officially in a nursing home from this point forward. It's been an up and down sort of a deal because of his behavior on medications, his ability to still walk around and "function" and the struggle of my mom wanting to be able to care for him, but not fully being able to anymore.

At first the nursing home wasn't sure they could handle caring for him because he can still walk around and go do some things on his own and often he will go into other people's rooms, try to leave, etc. The other day he took someone else's glasses insisting they were his and wouldn't give them back. His own glasses . . . . yeah - they were on his face, but there was no convincing him. He has hallucinations, but at this point they aren't violent or anything like that. He sees people. He sees me, my brother, old friends, strangers. . . . . At this point, the good and bad news is, his behavior right now is probably at its worst. There will be a time when he can't get up and move around and that will actually make it easier on the staff at the nursing home. It isn't really good news, but it will make the staff's daily challenges a little less.

Parkinson's is an ugly disease and I hate that my Dad is struggling with this. I hate that my Mom is now alone, traveling the roads between where my Grama is staying and where my Dad now is. I hate that they are so far away. I hate watching my strong, stoic Dad disintegrate.

We are going to Nebraska over spring break and it will be a difficult visit to stay at my parent's house without my Dad there. It's going to be hard on my kids . . . it's going to be hard on me.

I broke down last night for the first time. I cried like I haven't cried in years. My eyes still have the puffy evidence of that cry this morning.

I know this life is temporary and one day my Dad will be free from the chains of Parkinsons. In the meantime, I take one step at a time, hoping I can be strong for my mom and my kids and that God will hold me up. I don't like struggling. I don't like it at all.

Live Like You Were Dying . . .

At church we've started a small group series titled, Live Like You Were Dying. This series is based off the song by Tim McGraw. It's a 4 week series that focuses on living your life to the fullest - with no regrets. This week our Pastor spoke on speaking more sweetly and MAN was I challenged this morning with that . . . and it's only Monday!

I got my kids up and moving this morning as usual. They get 45 minutes to get ready - which they really only need about 30, but I give them that extra slow moving, lack of focus, distraction time just in case. Well, this morning I looked at the clock and they were supposed to be out the door ready to go in 10 minutes. I looked at the kids and looked back at the clock and went into panic mode. One was still in PJs, hair a mess, and didn't have her teeth brushed. My son, was barefoot, hadn't brushed teeth, cleaned his glasses and wasn't sure where his coat was. It's moments like this that speaking sweetly does not come naturally! I kept hearing Pastor's sermon in my head and I struggled with how to light a fire under their butts by speaking nicely. I probably failed miserably, but I did try not to sound like a raging lunatic. I think that's progress. Not perfection, but progress.

I hope that's all Jesus is asking of me as I can never reach perfection, but I am working on being more like Him this week with my words. The goal is to make this week's challenge into a new and improved lifestyle.

God help me!

Fire Breathing Dragon

The oddest thing happened last night . . . . I took some echinacea because I've been feeling a bit run down and I have too much to do this week to be sick! Anyway, you know how you take a pill and sometimes it feels like it just doesn't go all the way down? Well, it felt that way, so I drank some more water and didn't really think anything about it. I was having a conversation with my man, when I . . . . well, I burped. . . . the next thing I know my nose is burning and Dennis' eyes just about bug out of his head. Apparently the outer casing of the pills had dissolved, but there was still poweder from the pills in my gullet somewhere. This dark green powder came rolling out my nose. Dennis said I looked like a smoking dragon! After the burning stopped, he and I got to laughing. What a weird thing! Making' memories! LOL