Ok, so I finally fessed up to my husband that I'm not in my niche at the battery store. I told him that I almost felt like I was having a midlife crisis because I didn't really know what I wanted to be when I grew up (yeah - I'm 35 I know!). Talking to him was so scary because I didn't want to disappoint him. Truthfully, though, I don't think he was surprised at all.
Dennis was so supportive and so awesome. He knows that this is what I'm supposed to be doing right now, but not forever. He knows that working with him was a huge leap of faith for me. He also knows that God has something waiting for me in the wings, we just can't see it yet. I think even when this chapter is over, though he still wants me to keep the books! :) I think I can handle that!
It is so amazing and wonderful to have the support of my man. I really enjoy being with him during the day and am sure I will miss that when it's gone. We win together on great days and encourage each other on days that business is slow. I really didn't think we could work that well together, and at first it was a challenge. Now, it's pretty smooth (except for that PMS week I have monthly)! All joking aside, God has really shown me that we are a team and we can work together for a common goal. Something we hadn't truly done for awhile.
Dennis is in his element and smack dab in the middle of his calling. He is called to be a business owner and a king in the church to provide the provision to help fulfill the vision of our church to reach this community and beyond for Christ. I love seeing him on fire about what he is doing. He is amazing and I am so proud of him!
I can truly say that in this area of my life, I have no regrets. I may have questions and be unsure in what the future holds, but I have no regrets. . . . and that's the kind of life I want to live!
Monday, March 17, 2008
Sunday, February 3, 2008
Feeling More Like a Flounder than a Clown Fish
Isn't a flounder the kind of fish that lays on the bottom and has eyes only on one side of their face. That's kind of what I feel like! Eight months ago when I took a flying leap of faith to help my wonderful husband start his business, it was as if I was free falling and didn't know where I'd land. Now I feel like I've hit the bottom and am floundering around in the wet sand - and can only see in one direction rather than the panoramic view I'm used to. Don't get me wrong, it is an amazing feeling knowing that I am helping Dennis fulfill his lifelong dream. It is so much fun watching him get excited over new sales leads and record days for the store - I know this business isn't just for him. . . he is building his family's future and the Kingdom of God.
That said, I struggle with my own purpose and my own dreams. I don't really even know what they are at this point - hence the flounder analogy. God keeps reminding me of the movie "Facing the Giants" when Grant Taylor asks his wife if she will still love God if He never gives them children. That was her dream - and he point blank asked her if she would still love Father God if she never sees her dreams fulfilled. That's kind of how I feel. I keep telling myself and God that if I work for Dennis the rest of my life, I will still love God. Batteries are not my dream - Dennis knows that and God knows that. But, I don't even know what my dream is.
In a post late last year I spoke of the new position at church that I was doing - - - and I absolutely love it! There's something inside me that lights on fire when I'm leading the team to new territory. It's scary, but it fits. That, however, isn't my daily focus. Maybe that's the challenge I'm trying to overcome right now. My daily focus doesn't seem to fit, but the "sideline routine" does.
I feel my job right now is to be Armor Bearer to Dennis. A new task that I am learning - I've been that for a friend, but God is showing me how I haven't ever really been that for Dennis. . . and in reality, I should be that for him first and foremost.
That said, I still feel like God has a different main plan and purpose for me. I just don't know what it is. Maybe the "sideline routine" will turn into more than that. Maybe it won't. That's a scary and frustrating place to be. But I know that no matter what, I will still love God. He sees me here floundering on the ocean floor and He isn't surprised by what is happening. My prayer is that I quickly learn what I am supposed to learn in this portion of my journey here on Earth, so that I may move forward in His plan and purpose. . . whatever that may be.
That said, I struggle with my own purpose and my own dreams. I don't really even know what they are at this point - hence the flounder analogy. God keeps reminding me of the movie "Facing the Giants" when Grant Taylor asks his wife if she will still love God if He never gives them children. That was her dream - and he point blank asked her if she would still love Father God if she never sees her dreams fulfilled. That's kind of how I feel. I keep telling myself and God that if I work for Dennis the rest of my life, I will still love God. Batteries are not my dream - Dennis knows that and God knows that. But, I don't even know what my dream is.
In a post late last year I spoke of the new position at church that I was doing - - - and I absolutely love it! There's something inside me that lights on fire when I'm leading the team to new territory. It's scary, but it fits. That, however, isn't my daily focus. Maybe that's the challenge I'm trying to overcome right now. My daily focus doesn't seem to fit, but the "sideline routine" does.
I feel my job right now is to be Armor Bearer to Dennis. A new task that I am learning - I've been that for a friend, but God is showing me how I haven't ever really been that for Dennis. . . and in reality, I should be that for him first and foremost.
That said, I still feel like God has a different main plan and purpose for me. I just don't know what it is. Maybe the "sideline routine" will turn into more than that. Maybe it won't. That's a scary and frustrating place to be. But I know that no matter what, I will still love God. He sees me here floundering on the ocean floor and He isn't surprised by what is happening. My prayer is that I quickly learn what I am supposed to learn in this portion of my journey here on Earth, so that I may move forward in His plan and purpose. . . whatever that may be.
Saturday, November 17, 2007
Life with Parkinson's
My parents came over yesterday - they live in Nebraska, so when they come it's a big deal! 11 1/2 years ago my dad was diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease. It was quite a blow for daddy's girl, but up until this point I've been pretty ok. The last couple of times I've seen my dad (6 months ago and yesterday) he just looks old, tired, and weak. Not the dad I remember playing frisbee with, shooting hoops in the driveway with, going fishing with, working crossword puzzles with. . . not the dad I remember. He was quick witted with a dry sense of humor - which is still there, but he struggles to get his thoughts out. I watched him yesterday struggle to sit straight up in a chair. He constantly leans to the left due to muscle deterioration. He doesn't have the tremors most people associate with Parkinson's. I think that was what I had mentally prepared for, but watching him shuffle his feet because he can't lift them, moving slowly for fear of falling (which he did yesterday - caught his toe on the carpet and fell face first in the hallway. I'm thankful he didn't hit his head.) watching him not be the man I know he is inside is tough!
I got online today to revisit some Parkinson's websites and they reminded me that people don't die because of Parkinson's they most commonly die due to falling, choking, or pneumonia. Not a vision I have for my dad.
What I am truly grateful for in all this is knowing that my dad loves God. I grew up with him being very anti-God and bitter due to past circumstances. Shortly after my oldest daughter was born, my dad gave his life to the Lord and spiritually I've watched him grow and flourish in a marriage that before was barely getting by.
It's so hard to see a silver lining when you are watching a loved one slowly deteriorate. I am so thankful for my dad, though. He is an amazing, present, actively involved dad that loves me and my kids unconditionally.
What an honor to be his daughter!
I got online today to revisit some Parkinson's websites and they reminded me that people don't die because of Parkinson's they most commonly die due to falling, choking, or pneumonia. Not a vision I have for my dad.
What I am truly grateful for in all this is knowing that my dad loves God. I grew up with him being very anti-God and bitter due to past circumstances. Shortly after my oldest daughter was born, my dad gave his life to the Lord and spiritually I've watched him grow and flourish in a marriage that before was barely getting by.
It's so hard to see a silver lining when you are watching a loved one slowly deteriorate. I am so thankful for my dad, though. He is an amazing, present, actively involved dad that loves me and my kids unconditionally.
What an honor to be his daughter!
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
Something BIG . . .
Have you ever felt like you were on the verge of something big, something significant, something lifechanging? I feel like that right now. And I've felt that before and when I had that feeling, I was right.
A little over 7 years ago, Dennis and I became part of an organization that we felt would change our lives dramatically. We originally felt like it was a vehicle to increase our income, which it was, but what we didn't see was the dramatic changes it would make in our lives personally - for the better. When we first began our new journey, I had this excitement inside that something big and really important was about to happen. The thing is, though, it didn't happen immediately - it happened over a period of time. A long time. Through leadership training, books, CDs, conferences, etc, Dennis and I have drastically changed our lives. And looking back on the journey, the changes are not just big, they are HUGE!
Well, I have that feeling inside again. Our church has recently presented some new opportunities, some new structures that will be taking place, and the possible launch of a 2nd location. That's BIG! That said though, I have a new opportunity to do what my dream has become over the last 7 years and that is to be a leader of leaders. Our journey of personal development has sparked a desire in me to help others do the same thing - add value to their lives and to the lives of others. I've been really seeking and searching to find exactly what that desire meant for me and how it would play out. I have an opportunity to help lead the leaders in our Early Childhood Department and I want to do it with excellence, with gusto, and I want to succeed. Those butterflies of nervousness and excitement are in me and I am jumping in with both feet to help my team excel, so they in turn can help their individual teams excel.
God is so good! I do not take my responsibilities lightly - in fact after some more reading/education, I've realized some areas I've been lacking and I am striving to do more/better. Leadership is such an awesome responsibilty, but has the potential for great success and reward when you invest in the team you are leading.
Thank you God for this new opportunity. I pray you will guide and direct my every word and action. Help me be an encourager, effective vision caster, and leader. In Jesus' name - Amen.
A little over 7 years ago, Dennis and I became part of an organization that we felt would change our lives dramatically. We originally felt like it was a vehicle to increase our income, which it was, but what we didn't see was the dramatic changes it would make in our lives personally - for the better. When we first began our new journey, I had this excitement inside that something big and really important was about to happen. The thing is, though, it didn't happen immediately - it happened over a period of time. A long time. Through leadership training, books, CDs, conferences, etc, Dennis and I have drastically changed our lives. And looking back on the journey, the changes are not just big, they are HUGE!
Well, I have that feeling inside again. Our church has recently presented some new opportunities, some new structures that will be taking place, and the possible launch of a 2nd location. That's BIG! That said though, I have a new opportunity to do what my dream has become over the last 7 years and that is to be a leader of leaders. Our journey of personal development has sparked a desire in me to help others do the same thing - add value to their lives and to the lives of others. I've been really seeking and searching to find exactly what that desire meant for me and how it would play out. I have an opportunity to help lead the leaders in our Early Childhood Department and I want to do it with excellence, with gusto, and I want to succeed. Those butterflies of nervousness and excitement are in me and I am jumping in with both feet to help my team excel, so they in turn can help their individual teams excel.
God is so good! I do not take my responsibilities lightly - in fact after some more reading/education, I've realized some areas I've been lacking and I am striving to do more/better. Leadership is such an awesome responsibilty, but has the potential for great success and reward when you invest in the team you are leading.
Thank you God for this new opportunity. I pray you will guide and direct my every word and action. Help me be an encourager, effective vision caster, and leader. In Jesus' name - Amen.
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Cherish Every Moment
A lot has happened in the last month to show me how precious and short life really is. . .
A young girl in our church (12 years old) was serving in our Children's Ministry one Sunday evening about a month ago. She started to get a headache, so she went home a little early and within an hour, she began vomitting and lost consciousness. After rushing her to the hospital and running some tests, it was realized that she had a tumor on her brain. This particular tumor is only found in girls starting puberty. Apparently it is hormone induced and it has to do with the pituitary gland (I think). This beautiful, vibrant young lady has spent the last month in Texas Children's Hospital and hasn't fully regained consiousness yet. She has fought infection, fever, sodium imbalances, and high heart rates. Currently she is stabilized and began her chemotherapy treatments 3 days ago. Not only has this affected her, but her family! Her parent's world stopped that night and it hasn't been the same since!
Also this month, I got word from my brother that a friend of ours had a medical condition requiring her to have brain surgery. She had some sort of condition that affected the base of her brain pushing into her spine and the space not being large enough. I don't fully understand all the lingo or terms, so that is very elementary language. Anyway, this is a mother of 2 beautiful children who is also involved in dance ministry professionally. Some said she'd never dance again. None of us believe that report! Her surgery was successful, but she still has a road of recovery ahead of her.
I also have a friend whose son may be diagnosed as having autism. What a precious little man who has a facination with numbers and a love for life like no child I've ever seen. I know it's been hard on his parents not understanding and wanting to ask "why" but knowing that God makes everyone just the way He wants them. There is nothing wrong with this little guy - he just processes the world in a different way than we do and that's probably not a bad deal at all!
All that said, I'm feeling very mortal right now. Even among my kids bickering, milk spilling, bathtub splashing, and debating "why momma's" I know that I need to cherish every moment of it. It's hard, especially on days like today where all the kids have done is tattle, cry, and whine about doing homework. They've litterally spilled their milk all over the kitchen floor, pouted because I wouldn't do something they wanted RIGHT THEN, and then tattled some more. And yet, as a mom, I know they are mine for only a short time - and really they aren't mine. They are God's kids and I'm honored to be called Mom. That is a title I cherish and pray I uphold that name with honor.
Father God, please forgive me for not savoring every moment of this life you've given to me. Each and every day is a blessing as are the children you've given Dennis and me. Help me, Lord, honor you in serving my family more, loving them more, and criticizing less. Help me build their confidence and self image. Help me show them You. In Jesus name, Amen
A young girl in our church (12 years old) was serving in our Children's Ministry one Sunday evening about a month ago. She started to get a headache, so she went home a little early and within an hour, she began vomitting and lost consciousness. After rushing her to the hospital and running some tests, it was realized that she had a tumor on her brain. This particular tumor is only found in girls starting puberty. Apparently it is hormone induced and it has to do with the pituitary gland (I think). This beautiful, vibrant young lady has spent the last month in Texas Children's Hospital and hasn't fully regained consiousness yet. She has fought infection, fever, sodium imbalances, and high heart rates. Currently she is stabilized and began her chemotherapy treatments 3 days ago. Not only has this affected her, but her family! Her parent's world stopped that night and it hasn't been the same since!
Also this month, I got word from my brother that a friend of ours had a medical condition requiring her to have brain surgery. She had some sort of condition that affected the base of her brain pushing into her spine and the space not being large enough. I don't fully understand all the lingo or terms, so that is very elementary language. Anyway, this is a mother of 2 beautiful children who is also involved in dance ministry professionally. Some said she'd never dance again. None of us believe that report! Her surgery was successful, but she still has a road of recovery ahead of her.
I also have a friend whose son may be diagnosed as having autism. What a precious little man who has a facination with numbers and a love for life like no child I've ever seen. I know it's been hard on his parents not understanding and wanting to ask "why" but knowing that God makes everyone just the way He wants them. There is nothing wrong with this little guy - he just processes the world in a different way than we do and that's probably not a bad deal at all!
All that said, I'm feeling very mortal right now. Even among my kids bickering, milk spilling, bathtub splashing, and debating "why momma's" I know that I need to cherish every moment of it. It's hard, especially on days like today where all the kids have done is tattle, cry, and whine about doing homework. They've litterally spilled their milk all over the kitchen floor, pouted because I wouldn't do something they wanted RIGHT THEN, and then tattled some more. And yet, as a mom, I know they are mine for only a short time - and really they aren't mine. They are God's kids and I'm honored to be called Mom. That is a title I cherish and pray I uphold that name with honor.
Father God, please forgive me for not savoring every moment of this life you've given to me. Each and every day is a blessing as are the children you've given Dennis and me. Help me, Lord, honor you in serving my family more, loving them more, and criticizing less. Help me build their confidence and self image. Help me show them You. In Jesus name, Amen
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Long Overdue . . .
Yes, I'm long overdue for a post and with the things God has been showing me over the last few months, apparently I'm long overdue on some mental overhauling!
Ever since I had children, I honestly felt like I was the only one in our family making sacrifices. I gave up my favorite hobby - bowling, which I happened to be very good at. I gave up working (albeit, only for 2 years), but I gave it up. With that came, being alone all day with small children, no socialization, and NO money to go get out and do things. I gave up the vehicle I loved for one that was less expensive. As we worked to build our business, I gave up going to meetings so we could save money on childcare, I recently gave up a job I loved to support my husband. I, I, I, I, I . . . .
Because I felt like I was always the one giving things up, I also felt I was handing over my need to be needed. We all have a need to feel significant, important, and needed. Of course, my kids needed me, but I didn't feel like I was making a big contribuition to society. I knew I was important to my kids, but I didn't realize how vitally critical that was. God gave them to me to raise - they are really only mine to borrow for a short while and I was screwing up big time! Children are a gift from God and I knew that in my head, but I didn't get it deep down inside where it really counts.
I sound so selfish - and I am - was - - - well, I'm working on "was". God has really shown me over the last few months how truly selfish I am. I never thought of myself as a selfish person, but my inner heart has shown through over the years in ways that masked as depression and anger - all from the root of selfishness. In the current book I'm reading, What Happens When Women Walk in Faith, it makes the comment that often God uses the mundane things in our lives to help teach us things. I never looked at it that way, but I can see it so clearly now. My depression and anger probably wouldn't have lasted as long if I had seen the silver lining in the gray cloud that constantly hung over me. Ah, but the light is now beginning to creep out! My struggle isn't over, I'm trying to find the proper balance between being selfless, yet still taking the time to take care of and occassionally pamper myself.
I'm sure many of you mom's have felt at least some of this battle. If not, I truly honor you. God is taking me on a journey to learn to honor Him in the mundane, so I can move on to different things. And if this is where He wants me, I am learning to be OK with right where I am. I strive to grow and learn and become a better person, a better mom, a better friend, a better wife, a better leader, but most of all I am striving to learn the lesson of selflessness right here where I am.
God, my heart is to honor you in everything I do whether it be laundry, cleaning up the kitchen, helping my husband, or doing homework with my kids. I realize that there is no insignificant task you have called us to do. The tasks may be different for different people, but I'm grateful for the opportunity to honor you by serving my family - as I feel they are the best family on the planet!
In Jesus' name, Amen!
Ever since I had children, I honestly felt like I was the only one in our family making sacrifices. I gave up my favorite hobby - bowling, which I happened to be very good at. I gave up working (albeit, only for 2 years), but I gave it up. With that came, being alone all day with small children, no socialization, and NO money to go get out and do things. I gave up the vehicle I loved for one that was less expensive. As we worked to build our business, I gave up going to meetings so we could save money on childcare, I recently gave up a job I loved to support my husband. I, I, I, I, I . . . .
Because I felt like I was always the one giving things up, I also felt I was handing over my need to be needed. We all have a need to feel significant, important, and needed. Of course, my kids needed me, but I didn't feel like I was making a big contribuition to society. I knew I was important to my kids, but I didn't realize how vitally critical that was. God gave them to me to raise - they are really only mine to borrow for a short while and I was screwing up big time! Children are a gift from God and I knew that in my head, but I didn't get it deep down inside where it really counts.
I sound so selfish - and I am - was - - - well, I'm working on "was". God has really shown me over the last few months how truly selfish I am. I never thought of myself as a selfish person, but my inner heart has shown through over the years in ways that masked as depression and anger - all from the root of selfishness. In the current book I'm reading, What Happens When Women Walk in Faith, it makes the comment that often God uses the mundane things in our lives to help teach us things. I never looked at it that way, but I can see it so clearly now. My depression and anger probably wouldn't have lasted as long if I had seen the silver lining in the gray cloud that constantly hung over me. Ah, but the light is now beginning to creep out! My struggle isn't over, I'm trying to find the proper balance between being selfless, yet still taking the time to take care of and occassionally pamper myself.
I'm sure many of you mom's have felt at least some of this battle. If not, I truly honor you. God is taking me on a journey to learn to honor Him in the mundane, so I can move on to different things. And if this is where He wants me, I am learning to be OK with right where I am. I strive to grow and learn and become a better person, a better mom, a better friend, a better wife, a better leader, but most of all I am striving to learn the lesson of selflessness right here where I am.
God, my heart is to honor you in everything I do whether it be laundry, cleaning up the kitchen, helping my husband, or doing homework with my kids. I realize that there is no insignificant task you have called us to do. The tasks may be different for different people, but I'm grateful for the opportunity to honor you by serving my family - as I feel they are the best family on the planet!
In Jesus' name, Amen!
Saturday, July 28, 2007
Favor
What an exciting week it's been . . . we received a phone call from Batteries Plus Corporate Headquarters and they decided to spotlight our store for the August going back to school promotion! We are (for the month) on the front page of the Batteries Plus website. Glad we're in a college town! Thank you God for favor!
Over the last couple of weeks we've had some amazing days with tons of customers and some disappointing days with hardly anyone. Dennis is busy going after commercial customers, so that the days that are slow with retail traffic, still turn out good in the check register at the end of the day. The good news is that it averages out and according to the schedule we should be on, we are ahead of the game. Thank you God for favor!
Dennis just called me and said that according to the National rankings for stores open less than 1 year - out of 33 stores, we were ranked number 31 for the month of June. Doesn't sound too good, but we were only open 8 days the month of June! Hey, we weren't last! Thank you God for favor!
I'm reading a book right now called Facing Your Giants by Max Lucado. It's amazing, the books our book club keeps choosing and how perfectly timed they are to what we are each needing to hear. Fantastic book, I highly recommed it! God knows all my needs and when I'm ready to stretch, He does that too. Thank you God for favor!
Over the last couple of weeks we've had some amazing days with tons of customers and some disappointing days with hardly anyone. Dennis is busy going after commercial customers, so that the days that are slow with retail traffic, still turn out good in the check register at the end of the day. The good news is that it averages out and according to the schedule we should be on, we are ahead of the game. Thank you God for favor!
Dennis just called me and said that according to the National rankings for stores open less than 1 year - out of 33 stores, we were ranked number 31 for the month of June. Doesn't sound too good, but we were only open 8 days the month of June! Hey, we weren't last! Thank you God for favor!
I'm reading a book right now called Facing Your Giants by Max Lucado. It's amazing, the books our book club keeps choosing and how perfectly timed they are to what we are each needing to hear. Fantastic book, I highly recommed it! God knows all my needs and when I'm ready to stretch, He does that too. Thank you God for favor!
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)