Well, Friday afternoon I leave with the kiddos and my brother's family to head to Nebraska to see my parents and my Grama. This will be the first time I've seen my dad, not at his home, but in a nursing home. I am praying that I can be strong for the kids and not break down in front of them. This is one of those moments you pray never comes, but you know is inevitable.
Watching your parents go through things like this is, in fact, in the natural order of things. It really doesn't make it much easier though. Now, I've never lost a child, and I pray I never do - I have a dear friend that lost her 8 year old daughter . . . that's NOT in the natural order of things, so I imagine that to be exponentially more difficult than this.
The thing is, I have been very sheltered from death in my family. People have died, but it's been great-uncles/aunts and one Grama. That was in the natural order of things too. I think I am struggling with my dad so much because he's still pretty young - he's 67 - not the average age of a person in nursing home care. Heck, I have an employee at Batteries Plus that's 72 and he can outwork some of my young employees!
I know fairness has nothing to do with life, but I still struggle with the "fair" thing. It's not fair! He wasn't a drinker (occassional, but not a lush - and not at all the past 15 years), he wasn't a smoker, he was a great dad and a great provider for our family.
I could stand before God and argue until I was blue in the face, but the bottom line is - God is in control and He is not surprised by my dad's condition nor my frustration, anger and sadness.
I thank God often for the fact that my dad turned his life around about 11 years ago. If it wasn't for that - I don't know what I'd do or how I'd be reacting to all this. But I do know - I have hope - that one day, my dad will be free from the cage of his body, without pain, confusion, and frustration. One day, I will see him again healed and whole and free.
I love you dad!
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